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Don’t doubt…Not even tonight…

14 Dec

“GOD! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT!?
We both know i can’t go back in time!
I’m dying inside with sorrow for what i’ve done!”
My cries are lost in the silence of the frozen night.

“God, is this the desert you called me to?
Then breathe! speak your word already!
For, I have nothing left to give to you…
I’m alone, i’m broke, i’m hurt, i’m nothing.

Look! look at your lowly child forlorn!
See me fleeing from the music to hide
the silent tears gushing forth from within!”
I run out, alone, into the naked night…

I can’t hold them in a single second more,
My body convulses, in a hysterical rage
I scream demanding questions at the stars
“Where are you!? just watching me go insane!?”

I shake my head in sorrowful knowledge
And my voice breaks among the tear-falls,
“Oh God, I just can’t do this any more…
I need you. I need something worth living for.

I need directions, not just vague signs,
i need someone in whom i can confide,
oh Lord of ages, God of might…
hear me in minuscule plight!…”


I peer up at the heavens
the milky way shines bright…
& for a moment my hic-cups slow,
& I breathe a shuddering sigh”

“I need more than this here.
Sorry, God, i just can’t do it alone”
a whispering motion lifts from afar…
and flutters a gust of glittering snow…

“Beloved…” i hear the hushed inner voice…
“I make EVERYTHING beautiful in it’s own time…”
Your heart was too hard, & i had to break it
in order to come inside…”

“Beloved.” i feel His tender forgiveness,
“oh dear child of mine..
never doubt my love. . .
Not even tonight.”

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3 responses to “Don’t doubt…Not even tonight…

  1. anselmking

    December 15, 2011 at 10:07 am

    –My heart is easily swayed by such real longing expressed with a desire to be heard. I get chills from these lines; “I make EVERYTHING beautiful in its own time….Your heart was too hard, and I had to break it–in order to come inside.” What perfect words to describe a purpose for moments of despair. All the soul truly desires is to be united in spirit—the first, true love of all. My thoughts are with you.–

     
  2. suzannagoretti

    December 16, 2011 at 2:02 am

    You remind me so clearly of why it is GOOD to write about sorrow. It is truly, so very beautiful. Your struggle for hope….breathtaking…SO breathtaking

     

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