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I used him…

23 Jan

I can see it clearly now:
my name on caller I.D.
you click ‘ignore’
after slightly hesitating…

Because you want to speak,
but you know I’ll be angry, still…
ask you if you’ve done it yet,
& I won’t drop it, & i never did, until…

it was over…

You never could really tell me ‘no’
Waited until I became a burden of smiles…
Of course, you wanted to come every time,
of course, it was worth all of your whiles…

It was no problem to pick that up,
you’d come early & help me finish work…
you’d stay late if i just asked you to,
& looking back, i feel like a jerk…

I made it too hard for you to bear,
I made you promise; made you swear,
crippled you with tests of trust…
but in the end, tests aren’t for love…

Until one day, your blue eyes hazed…
you said you were really afraid…
because you were trying so badly,
to always make & keep me happy…

but it would never be enough,
you knew I would always need more…
You felt I was using you too much,
and you would miss me to your core…

but you knew i wouldn’t miss you,
it was the best for both of us, you said…
I said I was sorry, and you were right,
and we could just be great friends instead…

We sat there on the hood of your car…
awkward silence a week later in the dark…
You asked me if we did the right thing?
I lied & said I’d never felt so much peace…

I still don’t know why I lied…
Guess I was afraid of using u another time…

But you were wrong, because I did miss you…

& we never did become ‘just friends’ to tell the truth…

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5 responses to “I used him…

  1. imperfectous

    January 23, 2012 at 2:14 am

    wow.this is simply mind blowing and more so because i was in such a place only that mine kinda had a different ending.i am working on it.thank you for sharing this though….

     
  2. granbee

    January 23, 2012 at 3:06 am

    Excellent versification of an all- too common conundrum we face in man-woman relationships that seem mostly “right”, but not totally. Not balanced, but not all wrong, either. And the more-than-friends just don’t evaoprate because we say they should!

     
  3. Aslan Kanshaw

    January 23, 2012 at 3:34 am

    Amazing, though i hate the situation you described, i don’t know why we always tend to lie just to make things more convenient, it only complicates things, and i really think that you can never end a relationship in a good way, i know i never could 🙂

    Thank you for sharing this 😀

     
  4. unwrittentruth

    January 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    this was a little painful to share. Just because, i knew i had been manipulative. but I am a firm believer that in some way, by remember that, typing it out, & posting it publicly, i shall never do that again. The guy has moved on since & is in a good relationship. So, i guess it’s fitting I’m the one who’s not… granted, I did move across the country & don’t know anyone here. But, anyway about it, I’m glad we ended it. I actually made the final choice, but he was right, i had been using him, & pretty manipulative. He was kinda my ‘trophy’ bf… I never want to use anyone again.

     
    • phoenix143

      January 25, 2012 at 1:29 am

      Fantastic poem but even more insightful your comment. I am devouring your poetry it is beautiful.

       

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