becomming an evacuee

Day 1-
“Oh my gosh, how awful!
The smoke is hurting my eyes,
did they really need to close the highway?
I’ll have to postpone my shopping time.”

Day 2-
“um, the fire is still burning,
& it’s billowing sheets of smoke our way…
Staying glued to the news, alarming,
but grateful it isn’t us at least today…”

Day 3-
Now we are on pre-evacuation,
but I doubt it will ever come this close,
I guess decide what you would pack,
but we probably won’t actually have to go…”

Day 4-
I guess we should make plans to go tomorrow
and all of a sudden that red line on the map
is within 1.5 miles of our home & my bed,
But now i am too much in shock to pack…

Day 5-
the sherrif rings our doorbell
informs us we have 1 hour to get out…
Groceries, towels, journals, heirlooms,
are all stuffed in as fireman’s voices shout…

I look over the hill as we drive…
I can see the flames just over the trees…
I’ve seen this before in movies…
but it wasn’t my home, my life on the brink of burning…

TODAY-
evacuated. scared.
helpless & afraid.
thankful for life, but, how do you live
when everything in your life is at stake?

My work is evacuated,
we have nothing to do but wait…
our house may be fine,
or my carload, may be all that’s saved…

God help all of us here,
all those in Colorado & the west today…
dear bloggers if you have a moment,
please send a prayer our way

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tough roads… tough love

it’s going to be tough on us,
ain’t no short cut or easy riding,
all mountain gravel roads with with ditches,
But, we’re going to just keep on driving…

Because I got the sunshine of your smile
when the clouds turn rainy & dark…
you’ll have my laugh & hopeful comfort,
when life burdens your weary heart…

And once we are together,
nothing can come between us…
but there 750 days of unmapped,
unknown, plain old tough stuff…

But we’re going to make it through this,
we’ll wait out the storms & endless nights,
the traffic & the freezing cold long winters,
through the silly misunderstandings & fights…

the best things are worked for,
waited for, elbow greased, & prayed for….
Sacrificing, total giving, heart & soul,
I’ll give you all of this & even more…

because, though you are not
the only good guy i could get, true…
you remain the one i want & love,
and you are the one i choose.

So for once in our lives, oh my love,
we’re going to see this through.
Because I’m tougher than the roads,
or at least I am when I’m with you

 

clock watching…

I remember your silence
that almost broke my heart…
you said if that’s how long it takes,
then, you would wait to start…

I remember the guilt & hurt I felt,
weren’t you happy for me somehow?
thought it was so unfair of you
but, believe me, I get it now….

It really is best, I know that,
some experience abroad & here,
but somehow that extra 6 months you say,
seem like you’re asking for 6 extra years…

I want what’s best for you,
so I won’t tell you to turn the job down…
but I can’t bring myself to speak,
so the silence is mine, & I get it now…

I get the questions & answers
when what’s best for you is what’s worse for me
the silent shock like getting winded,
750 more days of clock-watching…

 

making you fall in love with me…

I sat there contemplating how,
I could have fallen for my best friend?
…Came up with an ingenious scheme…
a check list plotting our destined end…

…thinking…

“I’m going to make him love me!
I know everything he does & doesn’t seek,
how hard could it be to make us right?
I’m going to win his heart this week,
Make him truly happy & proud of me,
and then, everything will be…alright”

everything went along just as pre-concieved…
you fell for me, or so I believed…
all within that fateful, anticipated week…
—but really—

3 years ago, I kindly declined,
an offer of more than friends from him,
told him to move on, don’t wait around,
little did I know, he’d made his own plans…

thinking…

“I’m going to make her love me!
I know everything that she wants & needs,
I’ll just have to become one of those things…
I’m going to win her heart with time
be her best friend for all our lives…
make her happy, until she finds… we should be a ‘we’…”

It worked, because now i love you…
funny how you love me right back too…
as much as I may complicate just about everything…
I’m glad you chose to stay & keep on loving me

 

uniquely average

Oh, I’m fine with never perfect
I’m okay with who I am…
I work hard and I’ve earned some
Messed up and dropped things out of my hands…

And I know I ain’t no model,
And I’ll never be the very best,
Possibly nothing even close,
So don’t bother putting me through your tests…

I’m okay with being the side-kick girl
A little bit witty, who has a few good friends,
Brown hair, hazel eyes, ordinary world,
Decently patient, who isn’t always the one to win…

I’ll never be super famous,
But you know, that really works for me…
But don’t you think that means mediocre,
Don’t go passing me off as not worth anything…

My ambitions are to love & be loved…
To make a difference in 10 lives,
I want to leave behind some poems,
And get to heaven when I die…

I hope to have many children,
Of character, drive, & trust in the Lord,
I know I’ll never be perfect,
But I also hope, I’m never just an ordinary girl…

 

before I knight you Sir Charming

Do you picture me & you
So in love that it’s rather alarming?
Do you hope with all you do,
And try to be my prince charming?

Do you wanna be happily ever after?
…enough to work through every disaster?
You know they come faster & faster…
They say in the end, only love matters… is that us?

Would you stay up all night just to
wish upon a shooting star
would you love me enough
to even risk me breaking your own heart?

or do you get tired of my questioning?
or exhausted by all i ask of you?
Do you forget about me all day long,
And then lie and say you love me too?

how much I really don’t know
seems so very un-arming…
so, go ahead & tell me the truth
before i knight you Sir charming

 

yellow moons & shooting stars

There’s a hot summer breeze
blowing dandelion seeds in the air..
wishes off to take roots by the sidewalk
I close my eyes, & wish my heart’s dare…

Step by step I walk miles,
From here to where I must go next…
hours dedicated to just getting
where I can stop & take a short rest…

The sun is bending light again,
making rainbows in the clouds
I would search for the pot of gold,
If I could really tell where it touched the ground…

And Aspen leaves quiver in place
the moon grows yellow tonight…
It all begins to seem somehow supernatural,
An eerie inspirational delight…

I don’t really know what to make of it…
Even stars falling out of the sky…
I question my sanity and vision
But then, I begin to believe that i can fly…
.
Climb to the top of the mountain
take a deep breath of fresh night air
Then I let offer my heart to the Great Spirit…
and let it glide on the wind to you there…
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think twice

and if i could give you my heart tonight
and never given the chance to think twice…
i believe i’d be happy for the rest of my time
just to spend it becoming each other’s life…

why must time give me too long to think?
why must different guys from my past come to me?
I know, yes i’m sure, yes i think, wait, what?
all this questioning leaves me far less sure of us….

and while i want to say i’m 100%
you are my best friend, and have my heart…
i’d be a fool not to remember the others
until this stage moves onto the next part…

when i’m with you, when we talk,
when i hear your voice…there’s no one else for me…
but in your absense, in the quiet,
those are the times other names come out to haunt me…

i love you, let’s end this…
let’s end this long distance & make it real
because these vacillations are awful,
and i don’t want any doubt about how i feel

 

i’ll give this to long distance

i will give this to long-distance:
it’s not for the weak of heart…
it’s not for those who lack trust,
not every one can love from afar…

and i’ll grant this to long-distance,
it takes devotion like i’ve never given before,
but in learning to devote, & deciding if it’s best,
i’m becoming decidedly sure all the more…

any couple who can make it
through 2 years apart,
and one year together after that,
is a couple, i’m pretty sure will last…

you know, by every definition,
i really don’t fit the long-distance type…
but for you, i think i could do this,
for you, maybe i just might…

i guess what i’m saying,
is it’s a process that weeds out the flakes,
and i since i don’t plan on getting weeded,
well, there’s a good chance you & I could be great

 

everytime i see your face

Every time I see your face,
I realize more & more,
that i don’t ever want to live without you,
and I’ve grown completely sure…

I want to grow old next to you,
i want you to hold me in your arms,
I want to be there by your side,
you daily continue to win my heart…

and of course I question every now & then…
but I am the surest when you smile at me,
that if it weren’t for you, i might never love again,
and you mean to me, just about everything…