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Monthly Archives: December 2012

genuine thanks to a friend


Moving on…to peace within…
maybe you’ll be more someday,
but for now, i’m being very genuine
with everything im about to say…

I love being your friend,
climbing mountians every friday,
our hide out cave where we talked till one…
with you, i feel like everything’s okay…

and hot tub talks that melt the snow
falling two feet above our whispering selfs…
Contemplating the end of the world,
and the definition of the deepest wealth…

Look, i doubt anything would ever happen,
but it’s so very nice just having you around…
Just a fellow Texan in these mountains…
always being here to call me out…

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Posted by on December 16, 2012 in cute, explore, guys/girls, introspective, life, Poetry, Stories

 

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how do you even begin?


How do you even begin
to tell someone that you never moved on?
how do you make them believe you?
when all they know is that you’ve been gone?…

and who can make themselves that vulnerable?
to honestly just admit i was lying all along?
lying to myself & to the world…
because i didn’t want him to prove me wrong…

but two years later, and i still can’t
get you and your blue eyes out of my head…
replaying memories over & over,
listening to all the words i once heard you said….

and maybe you have moved on…
found some girl who doesn’t try her best to leave…
maybe i’m going to get scarred this time,
but that’s a risk i’ll take for the truth i seek….

 

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lock you with my eyes


Smile… just one smile at me,
and all of a sudden everything really is okay…
want to lock your heart with my eyes,
and keep the key until i’m ready to play…

you make me trust you, and i want to
tell you how much i really wish we could be more,
but there’s so much wrong with the equation,
we just don’t add up, so i’ll say something like ‘sure’

oh is it even right
to keep tormenting each other?
when both of us knows we can’t
emotionally move onto another…

Am I selfish or just a girl who
is going through withdrawal from love?
Does it matter? either way….
i need you, so just hurry the heck up…

 

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I’ll be honest… and that’s okay


I’ll be honest, i’m not that happy…
But you know what, sometimes that’s okay…
Because I know it’s a cold dark winter,
And i’ll have more laughs on some summer day…

I’ll be honest, i’m really scared nobody will love me
Nobody will love me for who i really am…
but even more scary is that I wonder if i can love him
but you know what, time will tell me if anyone can…

And you know, to be honest right now…
i feel so alone, useless, & just really ugly inside out…
But my plan is just to say my prayers, & wish on stars,
until time & sunshine eventually will end my doubt…

and i’ll be honest, i’m not okay….
but there’s a beauty to accepting this sorrow,
and i have faith that there will be more smiles,
if i can just wait it out, until tomorrow’s tomorrow…

 

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and unleash the unspoken heart…


if you only had one hour to unleash your heart
the feelings forced dormant over two years…
if you only had an hour to determine your future,
and let your hopes speak louder than your fears…

i fear maybe he has changed, because i know i have too
and what if he’s moved on, i did leave him with plenty of room…
i fear that i don’t know what will happen next, he’s so far away…
but i also know my heart won’t ever move on until after that day…

don’t leave your heart unspoken when the time is already there…
don’t procrastinate the honesty, because of doubts & fear….
if you leave all your feelings in the black, you will be in my ridiculous crunch…
trying to speak all your heart’s questions, two years later over an hour long lunch

 

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learning to love myself alone <3


i really want to fall into somebody’s embrace tonight…
just that comfort of strong arms holding me tight…
and i know that urge, i know exactly what it does…
So, i’m locking myself in, & forbidding myself to run….

Nothing is so scary about being alone…
i just start to bore myself & resist the battle to grow…
but this time i’m not letting myself just go…
i’m going to enjoy my own company without the show…

learn to laugh at the jokes i tell in my head
serenade myself with a guitar on my bed…
going to dress myself up for an evening at home
going to love myself into loving just being alone.

no more guys, no more using them like a crutch…
little darling, it’s time to stop running & grow the heck up…
if i can’t love myself, why would anyone else in the world?
oh so tonight, i’m learning to love this crazy girl…

inside out, laugh for joy with no one to hear…
find an art project or a journey i go on each year…
find that magic, find that beauty in my own soul & mind…
i know it sounds crazy… but i’m learning to love myself tonight.

 

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the sparkles begin again


Oh oh it’s sparkling in the blackness
I’m not ready for these feelings yet…
i want to stay in the safety of friend -zone…
my last relationship i still regret

my heart keeps begging my mind
to give it just a moment to fantasize…
because he could be just what i need
oh but i don’t want to see!… lights

lights camera action!

oh it’s flashing memory photos
and it’s playing records of his advice
it’s that bubbly feeling of excitement
when we’re watching football side to side

and i get way too ecstatic..
got to keep this ridiculousness under control…
my feelings keep begging please…
every piece of logic in me says “No! no… NO.”

oh but it’s momentum is growing…
maybe i can keep this just friends…
but it’s sparking into colors and visions…
like a wildfire flaring up in these winds…

and i’m just fighting the tide
of emotions that are going to sink in
they evade my mind when i’m asleep
i won’t lie, last night i dreamed of us again…

 

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