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Ten times upon a time

22 Jun

Once upon a time, i wasn’t crazy
once upon a time, i believed in love…
once upon a time, i thought a boy could make me happy
oh but after two or 10 times, i’ve had enough

after the 2nd time, i said no more green eyes
after number three, i realized not to fall so fast,
after number 5, i realized cute isn’t everything,
and after number 6, that it probably wouldn’t last

by number 10, i was a slow to fall skeptic,
and by 12, i had learned how to steal him with my eyes,
by number 16, i was stepping over piles of hearts
and by 20, it was like my own heart could sell any lie…

and by today, it’s like i have no heart at all
just a non-chalant practice of total control
mixed with the pile of pride at my core,
and a defensive list of reasons i’m not a fool…

but, a fool, i truly am
i have no idea what i even want
somewhere deep down, i desire the impossible,
for i have no clue what it means to love

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