it was almost meant to be

we were like thunder and lightning addicted to fighting in the rain..
electrifying touches, and heart pounding words drove us both insane,
we were like that crisp apple pie smell mixed with fresh morning fog,
you were that hot cup of tea, and that original sweet heart song…

you were my tornado shelter in the storm, but disaster in the calm,
i was that exhaustion you grew too love, and the water that you lived on…
it was like we were on a tire swing, or a great trapeze,
always up and down, but neither of us could ever leave…
until i did.

then it was like the empty house on a holiday, spent alone.
it was like dreams coming alive and haunting all i’d known…
it was like seeing the commitment that was just too much to do,
and even when i left, it was almost like i still loved you…

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drizzly rain outside the subway doesn’t care

you know the light rain outside the subway doesn’t give a care…
and the autumn wind, is getting cold again, just as I feared…

it’s the wild beast that i try to feed, just a little now and then…
but it refuses to change or find some other prey, it still lives within..

oh indecisiveness rules my heart and mind, my words and time,
oh deceptive pangs of longing spike, and strike my judgement blind..

I just want it to be for real, to seal the deal, have it last for good,
he’s jumping in the deep end, while im looking at every other ‘i could’

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truths mean more than dares

i didn’t see the point in tying you down
i couldn’t bring myself to throw my heart out,
and when you asked if i agreed and i was sure,
i wasn’t going to argue you into loving me more…

and i may never have told you i loved you or cared,
but i sat there every night and was always there…
some people speak with words that never end,
some people can kiss you into loving them,

and some people write letters, others poems,
and some people like me will never say so…
only want to live in your presence all the time,
laugh at your jokes, and finish words to your lines,

just want to climb mountains and sail seas with you
with unceasing teasing and games of taboo…
some people will never open up the lid
and let all the steam be visible again…

to be honest, i’m still figuring out exactly what love is.
trying so hard to be honest, in every way with this.
I don’t know the future, but I do know my dreams,
i don’t know the right words, and i can’t name feelings.

but i do know that every day we’ve spent as two
i’ve laughed twice as much, and started telling more truths,
closer to the person i want to be, when you’re there,
i guess sometimes a truth means more than a dare.

so all the words i hold unspoken within,
you can read them in how much time i’ve spent,
as someone so set on living all of my dreams,
how could you not know, how much i cared for thee?

 

i flew too far, you flew too fast…

I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

 

release unspoken flames of honesty

A whisper here, an echo there
just searching for a place where you can hear…
the silence speak…
And the seasons change faster every year
and the chaos speaks louder in your ears,
so come away with me…

let’s find a desert with only winds and stars
where we can find the calling of our hearts
and answer fate,
release the unspoken flames of honesty
let them blaze into the words we speak,
burn the past away…

absorb the glow of the setting sun
as we forgive all the past has done
slash and burn
and as the embers glow in the dark tonight
tomorrow we shall sow a crop for life
until we once more
return into earth…

 

learn to glow again

it’s a steamy kind of summer rain
cleansing the trees of your dusty mess,
and the heart skipping crash of lightning pain,
followed by the misty peace of fresh breath

it’s the alleluia kind of sun-rays,
and the birds have new moist twigs to nest
when a heart trips among the soaking grey
and wakes up and finds there’s still love left…

it may not be in his arms next time,
but the world is sweet in the aftermath,
there’s the perfect warmth of summertime,
when i finally learned to let yesterday pass…

and i really have to say,
it’s been greener since the rain,
and i guess it took loosing my pride to him,
for me to learn how to glow again…

 

ok with being alone this time.

i don’t want another let’s just play
i don’t want another rush and then regret,
i don’t want just some fool with witty words
to cook up intrigue just to keep my heart fed…

i want something realer than a shooting star
that actually died light years ago…
i don’t want another pretend, for now, just friends…
so i’m going to start living alone…

I don’t want to waste time with Mr. in-between
Going to stay open and alive by myself waiting…
It’s hard to move on without a rebound to suffice,
but you know, I’m okay with being alone this time.

 

fishing in the sky, or breaking into the dark

and the vines of hope soar like beanstalks toward the stars
intertwining in wishes, and seeking another heart
there isn’t always giants with treasures above the clouds
some times the greatest values are masked as hard work on the ground…

if diamonds, jewels, and gold are all found hidden beneath,
and we are willing to break our backs just to catch one of these things…
ought we naught look underneath how things always appear…
how long will it take us to learn, magic and beans won’t get us there…

all the wealth on earth, whether in a heart or of the ground
requires digging and moving some piled up things around
i know it doesn’t look pretty, as you’re still fishing in the stars,
but I’m the kind of jewel royals use to adorn their hearts…

so you dug up a diamond of the deep
in your search for a magic bean,
you leave me here to go climb into the sky,
or we can kindle a fire, and let our love be purified…

 

thank god you broke my heart

because the diamonds all got a little more dull,
and the steaming rain turned cold in the fall…
the stars all hid behind the city night lights
and you told me she was the one for you this time…

and my heart sighs a heavy sigh beneath my laughing eyes,
and sleep no longer comes easy to me, i’m busy thinking of you at night…
oh make it stop, this really hurts, but then i look up and breathe,
oh thank god, i can feel this pain, it means i’m still feeling

and thank God I really do still have you as a friend,
and thank God I’m almost ready to love again…
i’d been so afraid of heart break for so long…
but if this is as bad as it gets then, bring it on!!!

im ready to be vulnerable at long last
im ready to let these tears and more flood past
i’m tired of acting aloof and like i don’t care
im ready to love, without all the fears…

 

please fall in love with my smile again

and i feel cold as the warmth of any love we had fades away
i feel alone in the light, in the dark, and at the end of every day,
but i won’t show the tears I’ve cried, they aren’t who i am..
i’ll only laugh, so maybe you will fall in love with my smile again…