don’t let yourself go

Could it be that ‘the one’ is just a joke
pick some one and love them, never let them go…?
find someone and find a way to make them laugh,
why must we complicate it so much more than that?

oh i was such an angry girl,
i just wanted to fire back at the world,
such a lost dream, such a hurt hope,
such a beautiful story that nobody ever wrote…

gotta tell myself, i’m fine now, im really fine.
just the way i am, even if i know it’s a lie.
look in the mirror, learn to love the face i see,
learn to love all the hurt, the eyes are hiding…

learn to love and forgive all the sins i tried…
learn to cry and trust someone again sometime,
maybe stop building walls up so very high?
worst case- they break me, but what’s another time?

stand up strait, it’s gonna be alright
i’m just fine, every wrinkle is where it goes.
i’m beautiful and i’m a good person at the core,
pick myself and love me, never let me go…

don’t let yourself go.

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too much coal

There is a darkness to my soul that is soaking in
a coldness that makes me back away again…
they can’t be trusted, i never should have opened up,
build more solid walls, turn away from their love…

i’ve tried so hard to forgive and to let go and be soft
but the magma boils in my heart and my words become lost
the one who i wanted so badly to love me and to be proud
is the one who seems to have an agenda to bring me down…

so love your pretty little lies you carved into the photo book,
to church, wear a pretty dress and your most reverent look.
While I apply sparkly pink eye shadow and charm the elite,
i’ll float around claiming we are a perfect mother daughter team…

but behind the giggles and closed doors, and empty emails exchanged,
there is the dark past, with ghosts and wicked roars of rage,
a chilling lack of satisfaction and an empty black hole
forget the healing, there’s too much baggage, too much coal.

 

oh spinner of the wind…

it’s too big… it’s too bright
it’s all too wrong, and just a little too right…
i could do this, or i could be that…
there’s too many requirements I always lack…

Oh twister of fate, oh keeper of stars,
oh holder of the ocean in the beach’s arms,
oh spinner of wind, oh painter of trees,
oh hear the distant voice of a lost little seed…

plant me in your garden, or water me into the wild…
Give me the spirit to see all of this as a child,
with wide open eyes beaming with hope in tomorrow,
give me thier energy, to be happy in sorrow.

 

charm the wild

There’s a girl who can tame you with her smile,
who can charm the world, but can’t hide her own wild…

She can take your hopes and dreams and make them fly
thank her for the lift, but don’t expect a long ride…

because she’s just your shooting star,
if you stay for the burn, she’ll break your heart…

She’s truly is an extraordinary girl…
but she’ll never stay long enough to be anybody’s world…

sure she’s bright and fast and can dazzle the crowd,
but trust me friend, she’s already on her way out…

 

my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)

i used to calculate everything. maybe i still do. but i fight it.

i used to analyze guys as if they were nothing more than data entries on an excel spreadsheet. Once, I actually made an excel spreadsheet of my potential love interests. with everything from a rating of current salary, to potential salary in chosen careers, to genetics such as disease in family, to a rating of athleticism.

The idea of choosing someone because i just wanted to be with them, was as distant as the sun is from view in the middle of the night to a luna moth. All I wanted was beautiful children, a beautiful family, a guy to show off, and to impress everyone. A twisted dream, I’ve come to realize. Love is love… not a pageant contest.

I was overjoyed at first, when facebook became a thing. This really helped me calculate the possibilities with even more ease. Everything from level of education, to extended family, and even high school social status could usually be deduced before I even got to know the person…

but this is just the problem.
Because it actually forms prejudices…

stick with me here…
Before we learn things through interactions with them, we’ve already decided they are ‘cool’ or ‘not cool’. We already have decided if they are smart, connected, respected, quirky, or even a potential candidate, really. We judge them before we know them.

To some degree, we can’t fight this. humans are rational creatures, and will always try to analyze the data given, and are curious enough to always want more data.

But i highly encourage anyone who is just beginning to date someone, NOT TO “STALK” that person on facebook or twitter, and what not.

get to know the person. find out if they make you laugh with their wit and humour, or if they intrigue you with intelligent conversations, if they can inspire awe in their desires, or endeavors. See if they inspire creativity and optimism. WHether they free your inner spirit to fly, or whether you are always nervous and feel like you have to change who you are with them. Get to know them. Look behind the eyes, and decide for yourself how old their soul is. Let them introduce you to their siblings when they want to. And let it be an introduction.

Find out if they impress you with what they’ve done with their life. And more than anything… you have to be with someone to know their character… their values, their morals, their person.

Skype can’t tell. Facebook can’t tell you. Texting can’t tell you, Twitter can’t tell you, in fact nothing on the internet tell you who someone is. And buying into whatever it says (even if the person hand crafted everything on their page), will just slow down the process of getting to know someone. It won’t speed it up.

It’s not skipping a step. It’s getting to know a person who doesn’t exists. We are so much more than our facebook pages.

Go meet people, and get to know their person, in person. Keep it real.

 

tragedy of the norm

took my hope and took my heart
took my dreams and lit a spark,
should’ve known fire burns
and that a burn leaves a scar…

got no tragedy to mourn
was only a victim to the norm,
undervalued what we had
and thought it not worth fighting for…

but some times the fire stays
and sometimes it don’t even fade
and when the winds blow in your face,
sometimes, it just strengthens the flame.

So i left, and you moved on…
like every one-who-got-away song…
should of listened to the radio
before i made the same wrong…

took my hope and took my heart
took my dreams and lit a spark,
should’ve known fire burns
and that a burn leaves a scar…

i know you are only human
i remember you as a friend
as the one who taught me to love,
and since whom i haven’t loved again…

 

what you really meant to say

don’t serve me lemon ice cream
don’t fill my thoughts with your dreams
don’t tell me i’m just like the one
the one you’ve always dreamed of

yet you never just say what you mean

or maybe you really did
and what you meant is that i’m not it.
in which case, why not just say goodbye,
instead of dancing around a committed reply?

it’s like i’m talking to myself…

and every time i remember our talks i frown,
with renewed frustration at the sound
of how you always made me feel like so much less
and yet i always wanted to prove i was your best…

and i still wanted you.

 

when you stopped being a poem

today, you stopped being a poem,
and became the subject of much more.
no longer a pair of eyes i flirt with,
instead you’re the man i’ve come to adore.

you’ve become the heart i want mine to beat next to,
and the last voice i want to hear tell me goodnight.
of course every love is a gamble of emotions and time,
but you’ve become the risk worth putting my heart on the line.

You stopped being the ideal prince I demanded,
and became the human who makes me roll my eyes.
you stopped being the next best thing for now,
and today, became the main character in the rest of my life.