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my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)

14 Nov

i used to calculate everything. maybe i still do. but i fight it.

i used to analyze guys as if they were nothing more than data entries on an excel spreadsheet. Once, I actually made an excel spreadsheet of my potential love interests. with everything from a rating of current salary, to potential salary in chosen careers, to genetics such as disease in family, to a rating of athleticism.

The idea of choosing someone because i just wanted to be with them, was as distant as the sun is from view in the middle of the night to a luna moth. All I wanted was beautiful children, a beautiful family, a guy to show off, and to impress everyone. A twisted dream, I’ve come to realize. Love is love… not a pageant contest.

I was overjoyed at first, when facebook became a thing. This really helped me calculate the possibilities with even more ease. Everything from level of education, to extended family, and even high school social status could usually be deduced before I even got to know the person…

but this is just the problem.
Because it actually forms prejudices…

stick with me here…
Before we learn things through interactions with them, we’ve already decided they are ‘cool’ or ‘not cool’. We already have decided if they are smart, connected, respected, quirky, or even a potential candidate, really. We judge them before we know them.

To some degree, we can’t fight this. humans are rational creatures, and will always try to analyze the data given, and are curious enough to always want more data.

But i highly encourage anyone who is just beginning to date someone, NOT TO “STALK” that person on facebook or twitter, and what not.

get to know the person. find out if they make you laugh with their wit and humour, or if they intrigue you with intelligent conversations, if they can inspire awe in their desires, or endeavors. See if they inspire creativity and optimism. WHether they free your inner spirit to fly, or whether you are always nervous and feel like you have to change who you are with them. Get to know them. Look behind the eyes, and decide for yourself how old their soul is. Let them introduce you to their siblings when they want to. And let it be an introduction.

Find out if they impress you with what they’ve done with their life. And more than anything… you have to be with someone to know their character… their values, their morals, their person.

Skype can’t tell. Facebook can’t tell you. Texting can’t tell you, Twitter can’t tell you, in fact nothing on the internet tell you who someone is. And buying into whatever it says (even if the person hand crafted everything on their page), will just slow down the process of getting to know someone. It won’t speed it up.

It’s not skipping a step. It’s getting to know a person who doesn’t exists. We are so much more than our facebook pages.

Go meet people, and get to know their person, in person. Keep it real.

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2 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2014 in explore, guys/girls, life, Stories

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)

  1. ricksr70

    November 17, 2014 at 7:10 am

    You Are absolutely correct Face Book and the rest of the social sites and date sites are good enough to talk to people and have good conversations. I also can put whatever I want people to think i am i could be a professor at Harvard with a 160 IQ for all any body knows or I could Jack the Ripper. That’s my thoughts on the subject right or wrong. =

     
  2. Mohammad Farooq

    November 17, 2014 at 11:08 am

    Social media is a tool to collaborate and have a good time. I have to admit having used Twitter to death till early this year; this stalking habit tends to become a thorn in the flesh at times. You tend to live in a virtual world surrounded by ‘so’ called friends who really aren’t friends. Very well put. Enjoyed reading your view point.

     

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