uncertainty of sanity

I don’t want to sleep tonight…

My eyes are begging me to give them a break.

I don’t know what I am afraid of facing,

besides all the thoughts and doubts that I create.

.

Dreams aren’t the enemy, and neither is the poetry,

it’s that laying awake in between that comes to haunt me.

When the worst case scenarios gain momentum in the dark,

and all those things I pretend I don’t care about begin to spark…

.

When I am just alone enough to face all the deeds I’ve done,

and argue with my conscious to justify how many times I’ve run…

When pride and humility battle, and hope and fear flirt and dance,

When memories shape shift and I talk myself out of romance…

.

I think what I’m afraid of is that I will judge myself as guilty,

or lose internal funding for the shrine I’ve built to myself…

I think what I’m afraid of is growing arrogant or indulge my vanity,

and i can think and argue, but even worse, is the thought of losing my sanity…

.

I’m not sure if I fear my future, or if i fear my past is not as I recall….

I’m not sure if I am confident, or obsessed with my own fall…

I’m not sure if I am able to love like they say, or figure it all out with time,

and all these uncertainties will be self-fulfilling prophesies, as I slowly lose my mind…

 

 

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