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Category Archives: after the break

between hurt and rage


somewhere between the hurt and the rage,
a longing panic cried ‘don’t go away’…
somewhere between ‘please stay’ and ‘goodbye’
I was in shock, as i looked into your eyes.

because i don’t understand why…
was she more beautiful than me?
for those 3 minutes did you believe,
that we weren’t ever going to be anything?

Did you think i wouldn’t care?
but even then, i just don’t see how…
you could love me like you say you do
but kiss her 3 weeks before you move down.

So many stupid journal pages
I’ve scribbled on and on about you.
so many nights i spent just imagining,
that you were lying in my bed too…

and i’d been waiting and waiting,
and was just at the point when my cold heart melted
and decided to open up and trust
and i just hate how you did it, but im the one who got f***ed

im the one who felt it so wrong in my gut.
im the one who feels like im less for your wrong
im the one who questions what is love,
do i know you? you aren’t who i thought…

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as close as i can let you come


i just want to scratch these scales off my back…
feel the burn as these cold hours pass….
i just want to dig the dark hole out of my gut…
throw it into the light and know what’s what…

I feel the laser beams sizzling by my ears,
as my body is suspended in mid air…
franticly trying to escape this foggy maze,
and all i know and all i have is your gaze…

i just want to lie to you, to find the truth,
i just want to run away, to see if you will too…
i just want to lock you out of my heart and cry
because it’s so very very lonely inside.

but i have a heart that cannot be loved
it’s too cold, it will shatter at your touch
i’m afraid, this is as far as i can let you come…
because i just really can’t do it, i just can’t really love.
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my heart is melting out


my heart is slowly melting out
into tears of crimson need…
staining all my journal pages
like the glass of wine I raise to drink…

my frustration leaks through cracks
like lava shifting out of grinding tectonic plates
gushing and hardening over the flowers
leaving my world in a shiny layer of grey…

my envy boils beneath my stone face
and like the scarlet afterglow of the sky
the vermilion bleeds out the wish of my heart
and cleaves just to turn back time

to before I chose to say goodbye…

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deep and far away


Once I felt a reason, and we had our season,
when I could have loved you, I could have loved you…
you sought out answers, to every question
that I ever asked you, that I ever asked you….

But rain and snow and hail came in our winter,
And I just couldn’t make it through to summer days…
I don’t know why I couldn’t keep going, i couldn’t love you.
I can’t really answer the one question you gave…

I know it wasn’t fair, i turned off the water to our fountain,
and you were still there, just wanting to hold my hand.
I don’t know where or what happened to our seasons..
honestly, i don’t think either of us will ever understand….

once I felt a reason, and we had our season,
and I could have loved you, i could have loved you, but walked away
you gave me so many answers so very many answers
and i couldn’t tell you a single reason, even a bad one, that i walked away

somewhere there in the shadow of time, in the base of words, and the depth of rhymes
I’m still searching, I”m still digging in my soul,
somewhere so deep, so very cold, somewhere so very hard,
can anybody ever love something so very far… far away,
can anybody make it, dig that deep, to that dark of a place?

 

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it was almost meant to be


we were like thunder and lightning addicted to fighting in the rain..
electrifying touches, and heart pounding words drove us both insane,
we were like that crisp apple pie smell mixed with fresh morning fog,
you were that hot cup of tea, and that original sweet heart song…

you were my tornado shelter in the storm, but disaster in the calm,
i was that exhaustion you grew too love, and the water that you lived on…
it was like we were on a tire swing, or a great trapeze,
always up and down, but neither of us could ever leave…
until i did.

then it was like the empty house on a holiday, spent alone.
it was like dreams coming alive and haunting all i’d known…
it was like seeing the commitment that was just too much to do,
and even when i left, it was almost like i still loved you…

 

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i flew too far, you flew too fast…


I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

 

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learn to glow again


it’s a steamy kind of summer rain
cleansing the trees of your dusty mess,
and the heart skipping crash of lightning pain,
followed by the misty peace of fresh breath

it’s the alleluia kind of sun-rays,
and the birds have new moist twigs to nest
when a heart trips among the soaking grey
and wakes up and finds there’s still love left…

it may not be in his arms next time,
but the world is sweet in the aftermath,
there’s the perfect warmth of summertime,
when i finally learned to let yesterday pass…

and i really have to say,
it’s been greener since the rain,
and i guess it took loosing my pride to him,
for me to learn how to glow again…

 

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