until you say goodbye to me

I never meant to leave you behind
I don’t know what I thought I would find
I guess i thought you might follow behind
And always believed we get back together with time

When you moved on, I really did try.
I tried with men, I tried with wine,
I tried with travels, and I tried with time…
But I still can’t get you out of my mind…

I guess you’re happy and have moved on
This time I won’t lie, I wish it were me.
but since this is what you want, all I ask,
and all I beg that you give in parting,

is show up for one last night to dance
please let’s talk, so I can realize we’re too different,
and I’ve already thrown away my pride so grant me this one thing,
please show up, so that you can say good bye to me.

I finally realized you’re the heart I can’t let go
So I need you to be the one to leave me alone.
Because I can’t move on, Until I see,
until I see you say goodbye to me.

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the story it wasn’t supposed to be

this ain’t no story of beauty.
and it really isn’t a story of love
just a story of confusion and choices
that led us into this awkward hug…

because feelings are never really easy
and for me they are the hardest to name.
i never meant to hurt you or use you,
i didn’t realize that we were even playing a game.

but the spell i cast on your heart has
worn off and so has the spell on mine…
we both realize this whole thing is drama
and we’re just caught in the story line…

and i know you really think you still want me.
but i know it’s just to save your pride and your word.
said you were coming down here for a love story…
the end always feels like a punch in the gut and hurts..

can we just let this go like steam into the sky?
can we just pretend it never happened and be friends?
can you stop trying to win me back and just let us be?
can all these awkward hugs and words just finally end?

 

withdrawal from love

holding back my love
you’d been so addicted on…
i see you suffer withdrawal
as im halfway already gone…

he came in and stole a part
of the world we almost had
and i can’t make up my mind
and the storm clouds grew sad,

they furled down acid rain
and burned my beauty away.
they scorned my indecision
and whipped my heart with chains.

Now it bleeds for how i yearn
to both love and unlove both…
i see how much i’ve hurt them,
and i’d rather always be alone…

than ever hurt anyone again…
than to feel my gut wince…
as you strike it with begging words…
to please love you once again…

 

between hurt and rage

somewhere between the hurt and the rage,
a longing panic cried ‘don’t go away’…
somewhere between ‘please stay’ and ‘goodbye’
I was in shock, as i looked into your eyes.

because i don’t understand why…
was she more beautiful than me?
for those 3 minutes did you believe,
that we weren’t ever going to be anything?

Did you think i wouldn’t care?
but even then, i just don’t see how…
you could love me like you say you do
but kiss her 3 weeks before you move down.

So many stupid journal pages
I’ve scribbled on and on about you.
so many nights i spent just imagining,
that you were lying in my bed too…

and i’d been waiting and waiting,
and was just at the point when my cold heart melted
and decided to open up and trust
and i just hate how you did it, but im the one who got f***ed

im the one who felt it so wrong in my gut.
im the one who feels like im less for your wrong
im the one who questions what is love,
do i know you? you aren’t who i thought…

 

Coyotes, Dust, and the Cost of Love

now go go, just let it all go,
somebody’s gonna go fetch her, you know…
don’t think twice, we both know you can’t do this alone,
so go go go, go bring her back home…

and i feel the earth’s heart beat, under my feet
pulling me back, it’s hypnotizing,
do you believe in fate? do you believe in grace?
do you believe that we were made to change?

oh go go, go bring her back home real quick,
without her, you’re whole world ain’t worth a lick…
go go, the moon swells into a bright enough glow,
for you to ride through the night, and bring her back home…

oh oh oh, the coyotes howl echos in the wind,
she hears it and feeds on the rush of adrenaline,
the pounding hoof beats and the cloud of dust,
charge in the hot summer night with the reality of love…

it’s a chase, it’s a fight, it’s a battle, it’s life
it’s a flash, it’s a thunder, it’s the wild, it’s the wonder,
it’s the bang and the crash, it’s the peace in the aftermath,
it’s the years it’s the tears, it’s the glory, it’s the fears

and it’s the up and down, it’s the distance, it’s this town…
it’s the wrong, it’s the right, it’s the battle cry,
it’s the pain and the gain, it’s always been the same…
it’s the sober it’s the drunk, it’s the cost of love…

 

deep and far away

Once I felt a reason, and we had our season,
when I could have loved you, I could have loved you…
you sought out answers, to every question
that I ever asked you, that I ever asked you….

But rain and snow and hail came in our winter,
And I just couldn’t make it through to summer days…
I don’t know why I couldn’t keep going, i couldn’t love you.
I can’t really answer the one question you gave…

I know it wasn’t fair, i turned off the water to our fountain,
and you were still there, just wanting to hold my hand.
I don’t know where or what happened to our seasons..
honestly, i don’t think either of us will ever understand….

once I felt a reason, and we had our season,
and I could have loved you, i could have loved you, but walked away
you gave me so many answers so very many answers
and i couldn’t tell you a single reason, even a bad one, that i walked away

somewhere there in the shadow of time, in the base of words, and the depth of rhymes
I’m still searching, I”m still digging in my soul,
somewhere so deep, so very cold, somewhere so very hard,
can anybody ever love something so very far… far away,
can anybody make it, dig that deep, to that dark of a place?

 

truths mean more than dares

i didn’t see the point in tying you down
i couldn’t bring myself to throw my heart out,
and when you asked if i agreed and i was sure,
i wasn’t going to argue you into loving me more…

and i may never have told you i loved you or cared,
but i sat there every night and was always there…
some people speak with words that never end,
some people can kiss you into loving them,

and some people write letters, others poems,
and some people like me will never say so…
only want to live in your presence all the time,
laugh at your jokes, and finish words to your lines,

just want to climb mountains and sail seas with you
with unceasing teasing and games of taboo…
some people will never open up the lid
and let all the steam be visible again…

to be honest, i’m still figuring out exactly what love is.
trying so hard to be honest, in every way with this.
I don’t know the future, but I do know my dreams,
i don’t know the right words, and i can’t name feelings.

but i do know that every day we’ve spent as two
i’ve laughed twice as much, and started telling more truths,
closer to the person i want to be, when you’re there,
i guess sometimes a truth means more than a dare.

so all the words i hold unspoken within,
you can read them in how much time i’ve spent,
as someone so set on living all of my dreams,
how could you not know, how much i cared for thee?

 

please fall in love with my smile again

and i feel cold as the warmth of any love we had fades away
i feel alone in the light, in the dark, and at the end of every day,
but i won’t show the tears I’ve cried, they aren’t who i am..
i’ll only laugh, so maybe you will fall in love with my smile again…

 

you are my cuprit, victim, and mystery

you are the embodiment of my every extreme
the one closest to my heart, and farthest from me,
you are the sunshine, the thunderstorm, and diamond nights,
you are the cause and solution to my burning inner fight

you are the loser and champion of every debate,
you are the confusion and clarity when i’m insane,
the one i’ll always attack, and always defend,
you are the newest lover, and oldest friend,

when it comes down to it, you are my blessing and curse
like ying and yang, we are intertwined by the universe
you are the fire that drives my heart into a tizzy,
and the peace that you give me, to calm my inner busy…

you are the neons, the glowing, the black hole, the dreams,
you are the culprit, the victim, and my own mystery,
you are the wishes, and the wished for, the wisher, and the star
you hold the questions, the answers, and the maze to my heart

 

magnetic threads of an epic adventure

Threads of me feel so moved within
as my heart longs me to reach forth,
To stretch out it’s love in tender belief
And unite with your ever-present magnetic force

Years of dead end paths have left me
Skeptical on the meaning of words at all,
But as yours keep knocking on my inner doors
My defenses slowly begin to crumble and fall…

Oh seeker of truth, do not judge my passion
For reality so harshly that you cannot see through
That all I’ve been waiting for was a patient lover
To come capture my will, as I shall capture you.

For a skeptic like I, is simply a romantic in denial,
For whom the normalcy of roses and letters can not do…
No, I need this Romeo and Juliet, epic adventure,
I need a story of battles and volcanoes and a magical truce

Come, sweep me up on your horse back,
Let’s escape to the desert, and find a palace in which to lay
We can fight all the lions and jaguars hidden
And then return triumph with a story someday…