chart our stars, and melt my heart

in the silence, beats a whisper to the dark…
it’s the soft whimper of a slowly starving heart…
no longer desperate, it has outlived the war,
but it’s missing the hope it had before…

oh so unwise, after all this time,
indecisive and apathetically inclined.
i turn so cold, when i’m afraid,
lest i relieve all the frozen pain…

i want to love, make me a sun,
blaze in the day ricochet off the moon,
i want to awake, i want to flood,
let my walls and darkness come undone

a galaxy too expansive for me,
i couldn’t chose a brightest star,
but now i see, the truth of things,
the brightest depends on where you are…

So come close to me, i want your touch.
i want you to know my heart, my love.
melt the frozen blood, let me cry,
just stay here, at my wounded side.

and I will see your scars, and light your dark.
i will hold your hand, and make you a star chart,
we can dance, on earth it’s more than enough
our day has finally come to free us to be us.

i want my best friend, by my side.
the one who makes me smile any time.
i don’t need a star, or foreign mystery,
i just want to give you everything, all of me.

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What about the beautiful wrinkles?

What about an old cowgirl?
who will love all her wrinkles now?
all the cowboys are still getting chased,
while she’s out still chasing the cows…

She’s doing all the dirty work
the grit, the hurt, the mornings before dawn,
but with all the pretty young faces,
who’s there to stay up and listen to her song???

What about the world explorer?
the one who did peace corps and has seen war?
what about that poet who gave her youth
searching for answers, to write the truth?

Who is going to see her travelled skin,
and love it for all the places it has been?
She’s the story they will all love to read,
but the guys still go for a prettier young thing.

What about the single mother who tries
to raise the daughter he left behind?
with a heart stronger than steel
and 80 hour shifts to pay the bill…

Who’s going to notice her strength?
What guy will go buy a brand new ring?
Oh they are such a foolish lot,
men never know the love nor heart they’ve got….

And what about every woman with silver hair?
what about the 35 year olds who are single out there?
what about us girls who have hearts of gold,
…all the guys only want someone less than 25 years old…

 

memories to relive

cozy toes curled on soft carpeted floors on a winter night,
electrically charged sunrises over the mountain filled skies,
thick coffees, teas, and milky hot chocolate drinks,
friendly embraces and fire colored autumn leaves…

dewey dotted gardens filled with daily growing life
crimson roses that let their perfumes take loving flight
fireflies that dance on a texas summer night
and windy days filled with billowing distant kites…

Silky story book pages bleeding of color and worlds
filled with contagious adventures and magical girls.
campfires, and juicy berry cobbler served boiling sweet,
genuine smiles and hearts full of hopes in distant dreams…

never lose the wonder, never lose the peace,
never stop loving, and trying, and giving everything.
embrace every sunrise, and paint it’s details within,
hold every memory, to relive joyously again and again…

 

Man, to get here…

Man, I just don’t give a care,
the longer i live the less it means, i swear…
all the status and accolades i used to need
now appear such shallow and empty dreams…

I’ve grown past needing to get even or be right,
it was a fruitless and exhausting fight.
i’m tired of spending nights counting wrongs,
they’re forgiven and set free like a voice in a song…

I’m sure I’m still ignorant and plenty naive
enough for yall to point fingers and make jokes at me,
so go ahead, i’ll just laugh and let it go,
get an extra smile, and be fine, because you know…

man, these days, i just don’t give a care,
it comes in on one side, then out the other ear,
i’m a good person, not perfect, but i’m okay.
and i know inside out, that won’t change with what you say.

the out-smarting, the bragging, and extra glamourous things,
are worthless and useless if you don’t care for high society,
I have realized how fleeting and hot burns their fire,
while, hardly worth holding, and self harming to aquire…

so nowadays, i don’t give a care
you can love me or hate me, or in my apathy share,
I’m genuinely happy forgiving, and with it all gone,
For the first time, I have really and finally moved on…

 

Where hearts really beat

There are truths that lie
There are smiles that hide,
Where our hearts really beat,
Behind the words we speak…

When doubt shines shadows on hope…
And love is a stranger I don’t know…
Sometimes it’s easier to hold it in,
Than to acknowledge what it really is…

Like the greatest star that shines in the day
And how the fastest lessons come from play.
How the tallest mountain begins on the sea floor
And the greatest empire in history lives no more…

Sometimes the best things are out of place
So you and I are natural in a weird kind of way…

There are truths that I almost hide,
There are smiles and locked eyes,
But we both know despite everything,
Exactly for whom our hearts really beat…

 

don’t let yourself go

Could it be that ‘the one’ is just a joke
pick some one and love them, never let them go…?
find someone and find a way to make them laugh,
why must we complicate it so much more than that?

oh i was such an angry girl,
i just wanted to fire back at the world,
such a lost dream, such a hurt hope,
such a beautiful story that nobody ever wrote…

gotta tell myself, i’m fine now, im really fine.
just the way i am, even if i know it’s a lie.
look in the mirror, learn to love the face i see,
learn to love all the hurt, the eyes are hiding…

learn to love and forgive all the sins i tried…
learn to cry and trust someone again sometime,
maybe stop building walls up so very high?
worst case- they break me, but what’s another time?

stand up strait, it’s gonna be alright
i’m just fine, every wrinkle is where it goes.
i’m beautiful and i’m a good person at the core,
pick myself and love me, never let me go…

don’t let yourself go.

 

my drought and storm….

I built myself a solid shelter from the storm…
with rusty nails the builders had once spurred.
I felt no need, in design, to conform.
so i nested it in a tree, where i could feel as a bird…

but in life, it’s usually flood or drought,
and the wisdom of elders is often drowned out,
by the firework’s boom, and the flashing lights,
and those in the trees, lose the power of lime lights…

I told myself, others would build nearby soon…
but the lights afar, were the only ones that grew,
i know that I’m the one who looks lost in a dream,
but I’m just not like them, and I’m sick of trying to be.

I”m tired of calling out, waving others to come in.
for they all promised to join, but then went away again.
and perhaps, alone, and afar, is where Im meant to be,
though, the view is now watching everyone else become happy.

call me stubborn, call me extreme,
but i won’t leave paradise just to find company…
though without someone, what is paradise for?
and so both my storm and drought begin once more…

how much is paradise really worth?
and ought i maybe consider to conform?
for the sun encircles their world and mine,
and the only similarity, is the passing time…

 

and trust him again…

I decided to stop trying to jump out of the sea
just to assess the horizon ahead…
Some people were meant to fly below the waves,
so i am surrendering to God again, instead.

Within the darknesses, and forbidden light,
throughout the adventures I fervently defend,
among the sharks and schools of the current,
it’s easy to ignore what chaos has come to live within…

and the peace of knowing, the trust beyond,
the faith in walking my heart to His door,
enough of the wild rushes, enough of the fires,
I finally realize the adrenaline is not enough to live for…

 

as confident as my wrinkles.

getting wrinkles is probably one of the
greatest horrors of every young woman.
Or that realization that she no longer is
really that young of a woman.

you look back at photos, and realize
that you didn’t even know you were beautiful then.
nobody told you. they all just teased you
assuming you were so secure you already knew…

nobody told me i was wasting my youth
nobody told me how short it was going to be
everybody told me that i’d have plenty of time
and everybody told me just to take my time…

and i did. and now i have wrinkles.
wrinkles that don’t go away when i stop laughing.
wrinkles that dig deeper into my skin and confidence every day
wrinkles that force me to grow up.

maybe it’s a good thing, you know?
maybe they force us out of that relying on looks phase.
and it’s true im still more beautiful than i’ll ever be again
but gosh. when you find those old pictures… i hate to admit im that shallow, but

…it hurts. i don’t want wrinkles. i don’t want to grow up.

they force me to realize im getting older
and that i need to decide what to do with my life.
and then i look in the mirror again,
and i still haven’t done enough to justify my age.

i fear i shall never be as grown up,
as mature, nor nearly confident as my wrinkles are.
they told me to travel the world while i was young
and then i woke up, and i wasn’t young anymore.

all the great guys were married,
all the hot guys were losing their hair
and all the great and good looking men, i realized
were never perfect to start with, they had a girl who brought it out…

and id missed my chance a million times.

 

in love with the chaos

rolling myself from town to town
keeping a secret eye open for a place to settle down…
with plans to travel the whole world round,
but hopes someone will love me into turning home bound

after enough oceans, mountains, waterfalls, and hills
they all start looking the same from a plane looking below
and to be perfectly honest, it’s no longer the destinations-
im in love with looking down, im in love with being on the go…

im in love with the whirlwind crazy adventures,
the frustrations, the chaos, the curious and strange sights,
Some people love their coffee and newspaper routines,
but i’m in love with buses, trains, boats, and plane flights…

if someone could dig the lust for adventure out of my soul,
then perhaps my life would for once, appear under control,
im a lover of the chaos, who nests within hearts…
so take me, or leave me, or join my journey of fools