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withdrawal from love


holding back my love
you’d been so addicted on…
i see you suffer withdrawal
as im halfway already gone…

he came in and stole a part
of the world we almost had
and i can’t make up my mind
and the storm clouds grew sad,

they furled down acid rain
and burned my beauty away.
they scorned my indecision
and whipped my heart with chains.

Now it bleeds for how i yearn
to both love and unlove both…
i see how much i’ve hurt them,
and i’d rather always be alone…

than ever hurt anyone again…
than to feel my gut wince…
as you strike it with begging words…
to please love you once again…

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i flew too far, you flew too fast…


I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

 

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learn to glow again


it’s a steamy kind of summer rain
cleansing the trees of your dusty mess,
and the heart skipping crash of lightning pain,
followed by the misty peace of fresh breath

it’s the alleluia kind of sun-rays,
and the birds have new moist twigs to nest
when a heart trips among the soaking grey
and wakes up and finds there’s still love left…

it may not be in his arms next time,
but the world is sweet in the aftermath,
there’s the perfect warmth of summertime,
when i finally learned to let yesterday pass…

and i really have to say,
it’s been greener since the rain,
and i guess it took loosing my pride to him,
for me to learn how to glow again…

 

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freedom within


Freedom is what they all claimed they wanted
but they built chains onto their walls & doors
then they wor armor out into the world
and wonder why they can’t frolic away from mundane chores?

and i am your girl for taking chances
on just about anything but hurting my heart
though i’m starting see you get what you give
and i’m tired of only getting a little part…

oh so not yet, but someday soon
i’ll learn how to love & be loved too
oh, i’m not alone, there are others who
want to be truly free before they say ‘i do’…

so don’t rush me just yet
give me 18 months and then
i’ll fly home and say when…
then i’ll start to love again.

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2013 in Decisions, explore, Faith, Future, Hope, life, Poetry, travel

 

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don’t hide away


i want to lock my heart away….
hide it in a whispering gentle place…
cover my eyes from the world…
only let tender sunshine hit my face…

I really need a breath of fresh air…
the fragrance of blooming dreams…
oh i just want something powerful to come
and wash away all the pain still hurting…

oh hearts aren’t meant for crying
hearts are meant for loving and being loved…
and i wonder after enough breaking…
if i can ever really once again open up….

oh but you’ve gotta trust again,
even if it scares you to death!
‘cuz when you get to the end…
love is all that will be left…

and don’t cha want something?
don’t cha want someone there?
don’t cha want anyone to love you?
don’t you want anyone to care?

so don’t lock your heart away
don’t hide it in a secret cave…
here’s the quiet surrender i give…
i’m gonna try… try to love again

 

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Big Blue, Beautiful eyes…again


Those big blue eyes
With big black holes
Sucking me in to find
If we are kindred souls

I don’t want to look at you
I don’t want to see your smile
I don’t want to hear your voice
It ain’t worth my while

Cuz if I talk to you
I’ll start to reconsider
Cuz if I hear you laugh
I’ll start to smile inside
& if we spend more time
My heart will again begin
To Fall into those big blue eyes
And the black holes within

I ain’t gonna take you back
i won’t even smile your way
but I still wonder if you
ever regret our yesterday

I ask myself If I had done this
Maybe if I hadn’t done that
But that’s the way I am
And this is where we’re at

And I may have told you no
I may have left you behind
But you still let me go
& u didn’t really try

so you can say that it was all me
and u can accuse me of heart break
but we both know you’re just dodging responsibility
for not sucking up ur pride & asking me to stay

so while you may have big blue eyes
with black holes that make me travel through time
& u may have tempting words that sound rather wise
& while we may have had times, absolutely sublime
… I refuse to fall into your big blue, beautiful, eyes.

I can’t go back to the way things were
Or turn them into what they should have been
Now that is all just a blur
After all I’ve been through. I ain’t doin’ it again.

 

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