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Tag Archives: anger

don’t let yourself go


Could it be that ‘the one’ is just a joke
pick some one and love them, never let them go…?
find someone and find a way to make them laugh,
why must we complicate it so much more than that?

oh i was such an angry girl,
i just wanted to fire back at the world,
such a lost dream, such a hurt hope,
such a beautiful story that nobody ever wrote…

gotta tell myself, i’m fine now, im really fine.
just the way i am, even if i know it’s a lie.
look in the mirror, learn to love the face i see,
learn to love all the hurt, the eyes are hiding…

learn to love and forgive all the sins i tried…
learn to cry and trust someone again sometime,
maybe stop building walls up so very high?
worst case- they break me, but what’s another time?

stand up strait, it’s gonna be alright
i’m just fine, every wrinkle is where it goes.
i’m beautiful and i’m a good person at the core,
pick myself and love me, never let me go…

don’t let yourself go.

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too much coal


There is a darkness to my soul that is soaking in
a coldness that makes me back away again…
they can’t be trusted, i never should have opened up,
build more solid walls, turn away from their love…

i’ve tried so hard to forgive and to let go and be soft
but the magma boils in my heart and my words become lost
the one who i wanted so badly to love me and to be proud
is the one who seems to have an agenda to bring me down…

so love your pretty little lies you carved into the photo book,
to church, wear a pretty dress and your most reverent look.
While I apply sparkly pink eye shadow and charm the elite,
i’ll float around claiming we are a perfect mother daughter team…

but behind the giggles and closed doors, and empty emails exchanged,
there is the dark past, with ghosts and wicked roars of rage,
a chilling lack of satisfaction and an empty black hole
forget the healing, there’s too much baggage, too much coal.

 
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Posted by on November 25, 2014 in (negative), from past journals, life

 

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teams


Do you ever wonder about the possibilities in life? And if it’s possible that HOW we are affects what we’ll become as much as WHO we are?

Do you ever get sick of sharing responsibility with people to have them take credit when it’s given, and throw you the blame when it comes? Do you ever get sick of explaining why and just want people to just do it for once without questioning? Doesn’t it bother you when people question your credentials, methods, ideas, experience, and even values? DO you ever just get sick of them all. and say screw it, then i’ll do it myself.

I know I sound so very sour. But it does get old. It feels like everyone else plays for the other team… Maybe because I never really let anyone on my team? WHat else should I expect?

You know, they say love is the most powerful thing. i guess it’s true that if you hate people, you really just give yourself grey hairs and angry nightmares, and probably heart problems over time. but if you love them, you can change the world. you can truly move its fate. One heart and hope over time. I mean, who takes advice from those who hate them? But how many people make their choices directly because of advice from those who love them, and they love?…

It takes strength. It takes hope. It takes patience. It takes humility. It takes resolve. It takes humor. Maybe it even takes a certain amount of naivety. These are really hard qualities to develop alone. You know, i guess if it were easy everyone would be loving, sweet, in love, and happy, blah blah blah… i’ve seen these people.

in fact, once upon a time, i even was one.

 

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want you to feel like me


I used to write songs for you and I
I used to dream in vivid colors of our future life
And as it fades away, into an inky tearful night,
I want nothing more, than to look at you & lie…

I wanna say I never thought we’d work anyway
I wanna lie & say I am so over all those yesterdays
I wanna say that I was just waiting for you to break…
I wanna lie, save my pride, and save my face…

But this time, you should really hear
All the anger, hurt, and wasted tears,
Want to make you feel as insecure as I do here,
And strip you of all I gave you these years….

Want to make your pride sting and your ego bend,
I hope you feel ugly and totally unwanted,
I hope you feel used and abused and then…
I hope you never get over it in the end…

But more than anything,
I want you to really see,
Just what a cold hearted bitch
That you have made of me.

——-
for a friend who is going through a divorce

 

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heart pick-pocket


berry juicy kind of sweet
i let you get the best of me…
and i gave you just enough
but then you grabbed my trust…

and i’m still running,
trying to feel something…
give it back, give it back, it’s mine
somebody get him! tonight….

ain’t nothing but a love pick-pocket
stealing goodies like the love in a locket…
i don’t need your words another time,
i needed you to rise up & really be mine…

but you can’t be caught for this,
think you’re Leonardo Dicaprio’s twin,,
all you are is mean, & stolen part of me..
why won’t you set me free? & let me be…

 

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You brought out the devil in me


i was the little angel with big green eyes,
everything in the world glowed with faithful love
you were the boy with those blue eyes,
knew just how to make me question all i’d learned of…

and i quickly turned to you for truth,
i didn’t know lies were all you could do,
you showed me how to really make a heart burn,
and then how to numb the newly aquired hurt…

you showed me that lightning doesn’t strike
just because we sinned those nights…
and that even sweet little teddies bears bleed,
and that ghosts aren’t just in my dreams…

then you taught me how to leave with out saying goodbye
just as my world crumbled into a mess of defensive lies
and i thought surely, it was different with you & I…
that’s when i learned that love isn’t always worth the try…

because you only brought out the devil in me,
oh, you taught me how to live in jealously,
you brought out the lies & sneaky little thief…
you made a fallen angel out of me…

and now i’m just reaching at the sunlight
but i can feel all the empty darkness inside,
just trying to grasp enough bright to outshine
all the bitterness you said would pass with time…

 

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captive demon


an evil soul lives within my desires…
it beckons me, “come set it on fire…
you know her secrets, so let her burn…
what need have you, for a friend like her?”

the evil monster shifts around,
then clinches my heart & pulls me to the ground…
“oh he’s a stupid boy, he needs to learn…
so break his heart, he’s asking for the burn….”

it squeezes my gut until i almost vomit truth …
and release all the secrets i’ve held in confidence for you…
the demon sneers with evil delight as you squirm
as little flames of fire i breathe makes you uncomfortably warm…

and as you come back to plead me for release
my fingers become claws, & my body a beast….
oh the demon comes alive & devours my life…
oh i resent this dragon, for now I live in it, & not it inside I…

 

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