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u don’t find love? u build it


how much does it matter anyway?
all these people and their stupid games.
why do we all have to care so very much?
I mean, is it even possible to ever really find love…

don’t you have to build it?
don’t you have to grow it?
don’t you have to pay for it?
and even then you never own it…

you don’t just find a diamond on the beach,
why do people force such a silly belief?
why can’t we find some solid enough stone
and carve it out till it matches our own…

isn’t all of it a gamble anyway,
who really knows all the rules of the game?…
all they say is ‘you’ll just know when it’s right…”
but what about choice, risk, and sacrifice?

how much do feelings matter anyway?
what’s so wrong with settling for a safe play?

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The link among mankind: eternity waits


We’ve all been broken in some form
And yet, all built, along the way
We all have many sins & regrets to date
And we all are still alive enough to change

I don’t care to where you go, or whence you’re from
You are the epitome of creation perfected & loved,
You are human, forgive yourself, forgive humanity,
Embrace your life, embrace your God given strength

Then fill your days with faith
in the wisdom of all that you don’t know…
Life is too short for regrets and hatred & guilt,
Let it go, move on, be human, & learn to rebuild.

Nothing lasts forever
Save the soul & heart of faith.
save the gentle acceptance of burden,
eternally rewarded, eternally saved…

 

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I want to break it…


I have a tendency of breaking things… Everything from hearts to a guitar, from a bracelet to a sports record, from a relationship to a shoe… you name it, i break it.

Perhaps it’s clumsiness, or lack of attention to detail? Maybe I just don’t care enough when it comes down to saving it. I always had this philosophy in sports that the best defense was a good offense… And also, ‘don’t give the opponent time to think, it is always best to be the first to act on the field.’ I rarely made goals in soccer, but I was awesome at stopping the other teams’ shots…

The problem is, in life; it’s not about stopping other people from achieving their goals… it’s about attaining your own.

I used to be a nanny. One day I had taken out the marble works to build with the three year old. Of course, it sort of turned into me creating a masterpiece & him working on putting together a few pieces… Then he looked over, eyeing my marble slides, steeples, & shoots. He smiled & giggled, “i want to kick it! I want to break it!” “WHAT!? NO!” i exclaimed… then i caught myself. I mean, really, he was just jealous of my attention..calm down… Sure enough though, my words came too late. & he kicked that baby right on down.

I was shocked and frustrated. ” (name of child), why did you want to kick it?” i asked. Why was i so upset about this? I had spent about 30 minutes working on this maze for marbles & he kicked it down. I almost put him on a time-out, but I could tell he honestly was not trying to be mean. He had another motive. Plus, I don’t like acting when im frustrated at a child. i prefer to think about it, calm down & then choose how to handle the situation. better not to get all emotional. Still, i felt silly. He looked me in the eye & said, “See? Mine’s the biggest now!” I gave a toddler sermon about not hurting other peoples things to make our own look better. I wonder if he knew what a life lesson he really was getting?

How often in life are people like that? ALL THE TIME! I know i do it. Granted, I break a lot of things just on accident. But, i also confess to breaking things on purpose… mostly non-material things… like, the morale of a girl… A girl whom i was jealous of. So i started a rumor, & broke her popularity. I was victorious… I felt pretty good for a while, then I just felt like a bitch.

Oh, & then that girl who’s dating the last guy i broke up with…Yeah, I knew just how to get everyone to laugh at her. And the thing was, these people didn’t even realize they were being so mean… but i did. I saw her face. WHY AM I DONG THIS? i kicked myself as she looked at me & walked away to the bathroom. Crap.. too harsh? Why was i even jealous? i broke up with him! Maybe i just had to establish myself as more popular & better than his new girlfriend? I hate it when I do it. But it controls me… that urge, that yearning… I see that smug look & I just want to break it.

I want to break it.

 

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my new resolution is ‘if you break it, you build it..” Basically, for any girl i break down, I try build up another girl’s confidence. & maybe that one girls’ too… working on that. Maybe if we all could want to build it. Or work on building our own marble works, it wouldn’t bother us that someone else has a cool one too. Idk, just an idea. What or who have you built up lately? I think we could all use a little building…

 
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Posted by on November 21, 2011 in explore, introspective, journalling- pros, life

 

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