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Tag Archives: dating

my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)


i used to calculate everything. maybe i still do. but i fight it.

i used to analyze guys as if they were nothing more than data entries on an excel spreadsheet. Once, I actually made an excel spreadsheet of my potential love interests. with everything from a rating of current salary, to potential salary in chosen careers, to genetics such as disease in family, to a rating of athleticism.

The idea of choosing someone because i just wanted to be with them, was as distant as the sun is from view in the middle of the night to a luna moth. All I wanted was beautiful children, a beautiful family, a guy to show off, and to impress everyone. A twisted dream, I’ve come to realize. Love is love… not a pageant contest.

I was overjoyed at first, when facebook became a thing. This really helped me calculate the possibilities with even more ease. Everything from level of education, to extended family, and even high school social status could usually be deduced before I even got to know the person…

but this is just the problem.
Because it actually forms prejudices…

stick with me here…
Before we learn things through interactions with them, we’ve already decided they are ‘cool’ or ‘not cool’. We already have decided if they are smart, connected, respected, quirky, or even a potential candidate, really. We judge them before we know them.

To some degree, we can’t fight this. humans are rational creatures, and will always try to analyze the data given, and are curious enough to always want more data.

But i highly encourage anyone who is just beginning to date someone, NOT TO “STALK” that person on facebook or twitter, and what not.

get to know the person. find out if they make you laugh with their wit and humour, or if they intrigue you with intelligent conversations, if they can inspire awe in their desires, or endeavors. See if they inspire creativity and optimism. WHether they free your inner spirit to fly, or whether you are always nervous and feel like you have to change who you are with them. Get to know them. Look behind the eyes, and decide for yourself how old their soul is. Let them introduce you to their siblings when they want to. And let it be an introduction.

Find out if they impress you with what they’ve done with their life. And more than anything… you have to be with someone to know their character… their values, their morals, their person.

Skype can’t tell. Facebook can’t tell you. Texting can’t tell you, Twitter can’t tell you, in fact nothing on the internet tell you who someone is. And buying into whatever it says (even if the person hand crafted everything on their page), will just slow down the process of getting to know someone. It won’t speed it up.

It’s not skipping a step. It’s getting to know a person who doesn’t exists. We are so much more than our facebook pages.

Go meet people, and get to know their person, in person. Keep it real.

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Posted by on November 14, 2014 in explore, guys/girls, life, Stories

 

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divided risks


i think i finally am falling for you
in the end, it’s actually a really easy thing to do
while half of me is jeering, & the other half is cheering
all i know, is that this is a risk that i’m sick of fearing

and i wouldn’t put my chips one way or the other
i’m entirely divided between feeling horror & wonder
but i guess when all is said & done,
you never hear anyone say, ‘gee, i sure regret love’…

 

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just another ‘now’…


just another almost mr. charming…
just another could have been, but walked away…
just another few months spent
on another one who I can say is one who got away…

oh when will i stop pushing & pushing?
when can i just open up again?
i guess i wasn’t ready, i guess i’m still not…
but, i’m getting closer & closer to it…

Someday soon, i’ll love again, i can feel it
oh it warms & settles in my soul…
oh someday soon, i’ll even let one love me back…
as soon as i can learn to give up a little control…

but for now.. i’m closer
for now, i’m still free
for now I’m going on adventures
but now, isn’t everything

 
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Posted by on September 6, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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child, YOU are the fool


So you think you know love, oh dear
So you think you can save my cynical soul…
Leave me alone if you please Mr. weird,
For I am the expert, & you are the fool…

You are the fool who calls himself ‘romantic’
You are the fool who believes in ‘first sight’
You are the fool who thinks that ‘forever’
Is made up of cliché feelings and rhymes…

I am the expert who has dated many a man
Who statistically speaking, had followed a plan
Bitterness and guilt mixed with anger and hurt pride,
Oh foolish boy, I have the right to patronize….

 

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I’m just tired….


I’m just tired of debating,
im just sick of hesitating,
im just ready to move past…
all the questions I can’t ask…

I’m just exhausted with trying
So weary of justifying…
reasons why you would or you won’t
I’m at the point, I need a yes or a no…

And while I flip my pillow 50 times,
deliberate & speculate all night…
In the morning i will stuff it all back inside…
and pretend that I’m still bright eyed…

 

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the 2nd best…


you’re not exactly prince charming,
a little too shy to flirt straight out…
so very old fashioned in manners,
you know what im talking about…

but if you keep this up,
each time i find something new…
that makes me consider…
maybe I could fall in love with you…

beautiful blue eyes,
you listen to me like a witness,
taking note of ever detail i say,
and then spoil me like a princess…

So you are a older by a few years…
but who am I to talk of time?
after i’ve been wasting so much
of the hours God gave me, as mine…

Look, I wish I wasn’t so distracted
by my best friend far away from here,
but if it doesn’t turn out to be him…
I’m pretty sure we have nothing to fear…

Maybe I should stop seeing you
until I figure this all out with him…
I just wanted to say thank you for tonight,
& i hope you know you are a gem…

 

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10 year old’s pledge


I am a grown up, young woman.
Or, so my birthday tells me…
But i have the disobedient curiosity
that trade-marks a young child of three….

I have the wild drive, that indiscretion
of when it’s not safe to gallop on the edge,
I’m not sure why I feel so not grown up,
probably because at 10 years old, i took a pledge

I said i’d never grow up, not for anything..
not even if it were to make me a queen
i want to be a child forever & ever…
Oh, the classic never-land dream…

 

©Lilyanna Danielovitch 2012

 

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