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Tag Archives: fear

as close as i can let you come


i just want to scratch these scales off my back…
feel the burn as these cold hours pass….
i just want to dig the dark hole out of my gut…
throw it into the light and know what’s what…

I feel the laser beams sizzling by my ears,
as my body is suspended in mid air…
franticly trying to escape this foggy maze,
and all i know and all i have is your gaze…

i just want to lie to you, to find the truth,
i just want to run away, to see if you will too…
i just want to lock you out of my heart and cry
because it’s so very very lonely inside.

but i have a heart that cannot be loved
it’s too cold, it will shatter at your touch
i’m afraid, this is as far as i can let you come…
because i just really can’t do it, i just can’t really love.
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drizzly rain outside the subway doesn’t care


you know the light rain outside the subway doesn’t give a care…
and the autumn wind, is getting cold again, just as I feared…

it’s the wild beast that i try to feed, just a little now and then…
but it refuses to change or find some other prey, it still lives within..

oh indecisiveness rules my heart and mind, my words and time,
oh deceptive pangs of longing spike, and strike my judgement blind..

I just want it to be for real, to seal the deal, have it last for good,
he’s jumping in the deep end, while im looking at every other ‘i could’

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thank god you broke my heart


because the diamonds all got a little more dull,
and the steaming rain turned cold in the fall…
the stars all hid behind the city night lights
and you told me she was the one for you this time…

and my heart sighs a heavy sigh beneath my laughing eyes,
and sleep no longer comes easy to me, i’m busy thinking of you at night…
oh make it stop, this really hurts, but then i look up and breathe,
oh thank god, i can feel this pain, it means i’m still feeling

and thank God I really do still have you as a friend,
and thank God I’m almost ready to love again…
i’d been so afraid of heart break for so long…
but if this is as bad as it gets then, bring it on!!!

im ready to be vulnerable at long last
im ready to let these tears and more flood past
i’m tired of acting aloof and like i don’t care
im ready to love, without all the fears…

 

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hungry


blame it on the fools who lied to me
that it was even possible
blame it on the years i was always preached to
that i should expect and demand it all

blame it on my heart who refuses to
take less than all of another’s love,
blame it on my soul that keeps wandering
and never stops quite long enough…

i hunger for the truest love tonight
i thirst for a soul to align with mine
i crave someone to look deep into my eyes
and tell me that we, we will never die…

i turned my back to commitment again…
so i’m just lonely, surrounded by friends..
they all look on at my so called ‘perfect life’
and tease me about how i can get any guy…

but ‘any guy’ gets so very old so very fast
when i just want a love that will really last
it’s like fast food sugar is all my heart eats…
and i am hungry, so very hungry for love’s meat…

 

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passions glories comforts and grace


Oh it’s one of those nights I can not lie
I just want to hold the world close and snuggle inside
to pull comforts and loved ones to warm the cold
and to ignore the obvious fate that before us all, lies…

and yet as it ticks by, another year with little meaning
i look around at who i should choose to unite
for in the future when i look at the end in fear,
i wish i could have a hand to hold in my fright

Where it all goes, what it all means…
i suppose without love, holds no worth or gain…
so passion, and glory, and money & fame….
If i never give of my heart, my life has been in vain…

 

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freedom within


Freedom is what they all claimed they wanted
but they built chains onto their walls & doors
then they wor armor out into the world
and wonder why they can’t frolic away from mundane chores?

and i am your girl for taking chances
on just about anything but hurting my heart
though i’m starting see you get what you give
and i’m tired of only getting a little part…

oh so not yet, but someday soon
i’ll learn how to love & be loved too
oh, i’m not alone, there are others who
want to be truly free before they say ‘i do’…

so don’t rush me just yet
give me 18 months and then
i’ll fly home and say when…
then i’ll start to love again.

 
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Posted by on November 1, 2013 in Decisions, explore, Faith, Future, Hope, life, Poetry, travel

 

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what’s wrong with fear… UNAFRAID


What’s so bad about fear? Fear can offer drive, and a push to move forward. Fear often is what keeps everything from a government to a workplace flowing… For example, people try to get to work on time because they fear they will be fired. Fear can also inspire caution & prudence.

And yet over & over again we are commanded in scripture “DO NOT FEAR…” not as a suggestion, as a commandment. This has always grabbed my attention. Why is it so bad? And if we are commanded not to fear or to be afraid, then why are we also told to ‘fear the Lord’? Slightly divided rules, right?

Tonight it finally made sense to me. I think fear binds and constricts. And despite popular belief, our religious instructions often offer us a more honest freedom. And the affect of fear is obedience. Which is why it is good to fear the lord, & perhaps wrong to fear in the world. Or to allow any decision to be caused by fear.

Giving into fear, forces us to be obedient to that fear, instead of obedient to our inner desires, will, God’s will, or simply the freedom to try.

I think it’s revolutionary thought… to be fearless. I am not saying to be crazy impractical or to not think things through first or calculate them. But rather, to make our decisions entirely free of the influence of fear.

Real world example… a 29 year old girl who is deciding whether to settle for this guy who is okay, because she is afraid she can’t to do better, or to trust she can find better…

Which brings me to the ultimate opposite of fear… faith.

When you have faith… i mean that kind of faith where no matter the inflictions and falls of this world, knows that there is more beyond… more worth living for… then you have no fear.

so that is why fear is wrong, because it counter-acts faith, & enslaves us to this world.

I’m not saying to show up late to work every day… lol, respect is important. but, have faith that whatever your fears are in this world, that they truly are of this world. Seriously, even death, can’t capture us. If you truly believe this… Then, and pretty much only then, does it make sense to live unafraid.

 
 

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