i flew too far, you flew too fast…

I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

Advertisement

 

nervous to fly

Haha, i figured it out!
that awful feeling in my gut since we said goodbye…
doesn’t necessarily mean i miss you,
it just means I’m nervous for this solo flight in the sky…

I don’t have a map & i’m all spun around
and maybe my arrow points north somewhere around south…
but I will get to places that nest-builders never shall see…
for I am the shooting star, wild, untamed, and free….

 

Feather on a Kite

my hand is clenched on a feather
i found floating on the waves,
the six year old me cherished it as
if it were a pair of wings to save…

just one feather white & gray,
stuck in my hair, worn in my pocket,
i almost stored my treasure in a chest
shut the hinges & the locked it…

but i decided this dear feather of mine
deserved one last chance to fly,
so i tied it onto the string of my kite
& let it soar to the reaches of the sky…

when the kite descended on the grass,
and i went to recollect my friend,
i found it had flown a way from me,
we had met our short journey’s end….

Indeed, that was one lucky feather on the waves,
shed by some bird to drown in the sea…
and even as a human girl, i believe i would feel
honored to have anyone cherish me so throughly…

the love of a child,
is incomparible to those grown ups…
because after heart breaks,
death, and breaches of solid trust..

sooner or later we grow up,
& just let feathers float by,
oh but let the children be children,
let them dream, while there’s still time…

 

blandness

I feel rather uninspired
like it doesn’t matter how i feel…
i pretty much just feel like ‘eh,’
but I guess that’s something real…

i suppose what i liked most about him,
was feeling inspired & relieved,-
that i could finish up my search,
but i had lost sight of reality…

Because reality isn’t always fun,
it’s not always exciting & grand,
sometimes reality is nothing more,
than just feeling rather bland..

So, i got some things going wrong,
& i got some things going right…
& it’s hard to feel motivated,
when you don’t have anyone to fight…

Nobody to fight but myself,
for things like doing laundry more,
Sorry this poem isn’t fireworks,
but i had nothing worth writing for…

 

Lately… (my song)

and life… hasn’t been the nicest to me lately
and if i, didn’t have my faith i don’t know what i’d do…
i try to keep my head up, moving bravely,
but sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever get through?

because… i still don’t feel like i’ve found
the place where my heart belongs
when i hear my guitar sound,
i know there’s something wrong… that ain’t my song!!!

but i don’t know if i can i sing
when i have no voice?
and how am i supposed to choose
when i have no choice?

and i don’t know if i can fly
when i’m not free
and how am i supposed to trust
what i can not see?

but my song is mine,
& I’m the only one who can sing it,
& my song is real, & if i don’t,
know one else will believe it…

and my song is just, waiting to be sung,
it’s far from done, no, it’s just begun!

—-
written 2009_6_2

 

Silliness (written 2 years ago)

Oh silly us, oh silly me
for ever believing that we could be…
Oh silly truth, oh silly lies,
oh silly secrets, that we hide…

oh silly come, oh silly go,
oh silly need you, silly wanna be alone…
oh silly yes. oh silly no..
oh silly ‘i wonder,’ which way this will go?

oh silly near, oh silly far
oh silly mind, oh silly heart
Oh silly you wanted me yesterday,
oh silly, for me to just walk away,

And now, time changes
And now, I find that I’m makin’
Silly plans for my future,
That I know, won’t work out…

So here we are, now looking back…
So far apart, both putting on an act…

& I’m trying to convince myself,
& I’m trying to convince you too,
that I never did like you for true…

maybe someday we can be,
something more than that,
but we lost what we had,
so how can I ever go back?

To yesterday?
When everything we had,
Has gone away?
Ain’t it sad, ?

That we were both just too stubborn to say…

Oh silly lies,
Oh silly truth,
Oh silly time,
For making me leave you

Oh silly why, ain’t my mind letting go?
Oh silly, but, I just don’t know…
If I can do this, if I can move on,
Why can’t I stop singing these songs?

Oh silly why?
Oh silly how?
Oh silliness,
Won’t let us work it out…

What silliness…

——
written: February, 2010

 

ridiculous expectations….

A silly, silly girl am I.
oh indeed, i am laughing at myself.
oh, how ridiculously I try,
to plan an unlikely world from no wealth…

I know who you are,
but i had this conception
that somehow I was,
some sort of exception…

oh foolish little girl,
don’t expect a guy to change,
no wit, nor love, nor charm,
for men are set in their ways…

A fickle heart, I may be…
but lucky for me i use time to see,
& judge a man- so help me be,
a girl for whom, he too waits for me..

 

See Through…

& whether it’s the future
or whether it has been
whether it is happening;
it just doesn’t matter when..

& how I choose to say it
or how I let it show
& no matter how much I deny it
I think we both still know

that life seems to happen
in it’s own, beautiful, time;
but destiny crafted a fate
authentic, for you & I…

there’s something reassuring
& there’s something so sweet…
& while sometimes I question,
he just keeps growing on me…

Through these hard times,
Through the questions,
Through me doubting,
& through the objections.

through the hurt,
& through the fears,
through the laughter,
& through the years,

to love & to hold
for as long as they live
Would I ever be so bold,
As to be able to commit?…

I am so scared
Of his big, blue, beautiful eyes
Cuz they can see right through
All that I thought i could disguise

—-

all but the 3rd stanza was written March 15, 2010… i took out some stanza’s & substituted this one in to tailor it to match my situation now.

 

Fall or Fly

it would be an understatement
to say I’m on a balance beam…
no, i’m doing cartwheels
while staying on a single string…

I’m not able to juggle balls or fire,
i’m just staying on for dear life,
20 stories high in the sky,
It’s like giving a baby a real knife,

For how little I have to call mine,
i have so very much to left to lose
And, while i know sweet time is best,
I really just wish to make you choose…

Why am I so intent
on making it across the sky?
what’s so wrong with never
knowing what it’s like to fly?

But I have the heart of a child,
though, it’s feeling old with pain,
Some feelings are just too wild,
& it’d be foolish to try to make them tame…

So i shall dance in the wind,
i shall flirt with the dangers of hope,
i shall cling to my little string,
but someday, I shall fall off my rope…

and on that day, i will either
fall to my little heart’s demise,
or realize that you are my wings,
& together, we shall explore the skies…

 

begin living my dream!

I’ve spent four years

trying to figure out who i want to be

& now that I know,

There’s no stopping me.

–

No boy or man with blue eyes,

no alluring short cut to fame,

no town-full of friends,

will keep me from my way!

–

I can do grey skies for a few years

i can do Ramon noodles & old shoes

They just don’t seem so bad,

when you got a dream waiting for you.

–

Don’t need no boy right now,

enough of waiting for mr. right…

I’m shining & alive, so excited

to finally have decided to begin my own life.

–

Here’s my life for me

world, watch me struggle then soar!

Finally, I’m ready to begin,

this time it’s my dream i’m striving for!