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Tag Archives: honest

Dear Lord… Sinfully, yours truly


OH, enter in the prayer i ought to speak,
oh, it’s been so long, since i truly believed.
and oh, i kneel here on sinful knees,
oh Lord, please come break my everything…

Oh oh Lord, I need you. and all the pain you put me through

take me to the altar,
sacrifice my strength
i’m a hollow nothing
outside of your way with me.

oh lord, i need you… and all the pain you put me through.

there was a time i mapped out my life
such a holy pride i held my head up high.
if only i had been humble enough to hold your hand…
but i was too young and naive to understand

it’s the brokenness, that rebuilds into strength.
it’s in the silence where wisdom comes to speak.
it’s in a humble love, that we must give away everything.
and in giving it all away, that we receive peace…

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

it’s a hard cold world, without your comforting touch.
it’s a double edged sword that screams that one is never enough.
it’s a hopeless race, bitterly regretting the dripping time,
and for every drop passing, I’ve lost meaning in my life…

and then there’s you. and then there’s your son,
and then there’s Mary and her rose garden of love,
and then there’s this honesty that breaks my hardened pride,
Oh Lord, crush all my plans, and make my life right…

All the money in the world, can’t buy me peace of mind,
and all the travels only make me yearn for someone at my side,
and all the success only makes me realize how empty it is,
without your plan, burning from the center of it.

Here at this place, i step forward emptily filled,
I’ve not lived the life, that i know you had willed.
tears aren’t enough, break my heart tonight.
i don’t need the world. i only need you in my life…

So wash my heart, and make it pure in your sight,
let it be as a lily, make it strong for the fight.
Help me love the imperfection, seeing traces of you,
Oh Lord take everything, and make it all new.

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

i need the strength, i need the softness, i need the truth.
i need to be reborn, feel the rush of grace and peace flowing through,
there is nothing greater, and you are the first and only i chose.
oh Lord, now i know, i need you. i’ve always needed you.

Hear the raw truth, there is nothing greater in this life
test it with your limited years, it will be a bitter waste of time.
and as an egg shell must break, for a bird to come forth,
Lord break the empty shell of my life, and make it so much more

God, for real.
i desire nothing more.
finally this time,
I’m sinfully yours.

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and trust him again…


I decided to stop trying to jump out of the sea
just to assess the horizon ahead…
Some people were meant to fly below the waves,
so i am surrendering to God again, instead.

Within the darknesses, and forbidden light,
throughout the adventures I fervently defend,
among the sharks and schools of the current,
it’s easy to ignore what chaos has come to live within…

and the peace of knowing, the trust beyond,
the faith in walking my heart to His door,
enough of the wild rushes, enough of the fires,
I finally realize the adrenaline is not enough to live for…

 

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Written Truth


we need to stop being dancers on a stage.
Stop reciting lines and auditioning for fate…
we need to stop planning moves like a chess game,
using pawns to corner queens or call check mate,

Enough I quit, i can’t be this fake.
Life is too real. there’s too much at stake.
I’ve been lying to myself and to you…
I am not apathetic, i feel it all, i really do.

I don’t want to be their dancers on a stage.
I don’t want to hear them give us a score or a grade.
please, can you just take my hand and let’s go…
walk out of this script and into the unknown…

Let’s take off the costumes and armor we secretly wear,
to protect our pride from having any shame to bear…
honestly, it breaks my heart a little every time i hear
you question us, when i tell you my fears…

i really want you to just re-convince me we’ll be fine.
i want you to embrace me when there’s no one in sight
i want you to never need nor expect the world’s approval for us,
i really want you. i really want us. i really want to trust.

i really want you to never doubt us, no matter what may…
i really want you to tell any other girl you can’t because of my name.
i want you to defend us like a warrior fighting for my heart.
i wanted you to be patient and wait to rekindle that spark…

i want us to carve our own story in the stone of time.
i want it solid, i want it real, i want it genuine and right.
i want you to stop listening to words, and to hear my heart.
i want you to stop heeding the doubts and the insecurity of sharks

that feast on knowing they rule the waters of the sea.
i don’t care about dethroning fools, or spiting seductive thieves.
i don’t care about proving anyone wrong or right about anything.
honestly, all i care about, is if you really want this same thing.

Because when you doubt us, i still believe.
but it feels like whenever i doubt us, you want to leave.
i don’t want to hold you with charms or even with feelings ,
because charms wear off, and feelings are ever changing.

i need to know that when i doubt, you’ll be the strength.
that when i push you away, you come back and capture me.
i need to know that you aren’t just in this because of feelings.
i need to know that you are in this, because it’s where you want to be.

honestly, right now im the weakest ive been in my life.
and i’ve found it so hard to be vulnerable at this time.
im not writing this for the past, but to bare what i desire.
i want to really give us a chance, and stop flirting with fires.

I don’t ever want to use jealousy or competition for us
and i don’t want to have a reason to question our trust.
from the time you get here, if this is what you are ready for too.
let’s stop playing games, let’s stop questioning through…

and as for me, perhaps the greatest lie i’ve lived for the past few years.
is that i don’t know how to love, or that i don’t know how to care.
if you can truly be as real, and as genuine, as who i believe you are.
then i give you my word, eventually you could capture my heart.

For you’ll never find a heart that can go as deep or as far.
that can cling on to hopes that are no more than distant stars.
that can give, comfort, warm, hold, strengthen, and glow like mine
but i shall only go there once. so i’ve been waiting for the right time.

no seed bears fruits, nor flowers bloom, nor tree does grow
when it is out of soil, rain, and sunshine doesn’t glow…
no violin can play a song with half it’s strings,
let’s stop counting all the problems, and just fix these things.

and if my past has too many or too dark of shadows,
if you find my weaknesses outweigh all my strengths,
if you just want someone who is less of a battle to love
or even if you just decided that we aren’t meant to be.

please figure that out and tell me sooner than later.
it will hurt, but i can swallow it and i’ll find someone again.
i’d rather it be you. i’d rather really give us a real chance.
but i can’t be the only one who believes everything.

i know i think in riddles, rhymes, and take a lot of time.
i know you like to jump into action, and say how you feel.
but please think this one out in the depth of your heart,
and whatever you decide, come down and make it real.
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i flew too far, you flew too fast…


I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

 

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the Rush away


Take me to the wind
and make me feel alive again…
take me to the sea.
and hold me with your love for me..

rushing waterfall in the night
starry fireflies dancing in flight
adrenaline rush of a false night scare
coming undone as you touch my hair…

the passionate burst of colors i see
when your hand reaches around me
then as i realize this could be everyday
i back up into the grey.. & run away…

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the time has come for blood


the time has finally come,
he dipped into the blood of his son,
rained blessings before my path
and pardoned me from his wrath…

With only forgiveness & hope
for the first time in a long time, i’m not alone
the honest truth unfolds like rainclouds
and like a hot rain, soaks and surrounds

An overwhelming gush of heart
touched all my apathetic parts
And suddenly I feel sorry, i feel free
i feel hope, i feel love, i feel missing…

i feel the rain, i feel the sun
i feel the guilt, but don’t need to run
because above all the hurt & fears
i feel the forgiveness & i feel his tears

smoke burn into my lungs tonight
as i search in the blotchy moonlight
where has he gone? where is my God?
I never meant to stray that far or that long…

and tonight, the world felt real again
today, he wasn’t my enemy, but my friend
tonight i missed him, and he lost no time
in reaching into my flames & grasping me tight

 

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Today, I’m a bitch


Today, i realized how sour i’ve become
today i realized I’m a jealous bitch
today i realized i’m not really a good person
and today, I realized i’m not over it…

I’m not over all the rejection, all the hurt & lies,
I’m not over all the people I’ve left, or friendships I abused,
I’m not over all the people that I’ve left behind,
and i’m not quite ready to accept the truth…

today i realized i play games with boys
because it’s the only control & power i get
i’m not where i want to be in my life
& failure kinda sucks when it starts to sink in…

Today i realized I don’t want to let anyone love me
because the people who love me, I always let down
I know this sounds depressing & sad and all that,
but all i feel is angry & annoyed with how it all turned out…

Tomorrow, i may learn to love the world again
tomorrow, i may want to let someone love me too,
tomorrow, i may just be happy & content with life,
but today, tomorrow seems a little vague & untrue

when you look under the bandaid
there’s ugly scars & open wounds
Does anybody ever really heal from the world?
or do they all just bullshit their way through?
I mean, even Jesus still has wounds

 

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