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Tag Archives: honesty

Dear Lord… Sinfully, yours truly


OH, enter in the prayer i ought to speak,
oh, it’s been so long, since i truly believed.
and oh, i kneel here on sinful knees,
oh Lord, please come break my everything…

Oh oh Lord, I need you. and all the pain you put me through

take me to the altar,
sacrifice my strength
i’m a hollow nothing
outside of your way with me.

oh lord, i need you… and all the pain you put me through.

there was a time i mapped out my life
such a holy pride i held my head up high.
if only i had been humble enough to hold your hand…
but i was too young and naive to understand

it’s the brokenness, that rebuilds into strength.
it’s in the silence where wisdom comes to speak.
it’s in a humble love, that we must give away everything.
and in giving it all away, that we receive peace…

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

it’s a hard cold world, without your comforting touch.
it’s a double edged sword that screams that one is never enough.
it’s a hopeless race, bitterly regretting the dripping time,
and for every drop passing, I’ve lost meaning in my life…

and then there’s you. and then there’s your son,
and then there’s Mary and her rose garden of love,
and then there’s this honesty that breaks my hardened pride,
Oh Lord, crush all my plans, and make my life right…

All the money in the world, can’t buy me peace of mind,
and all the travels only make me yearn for someone at my side,
and all the success only makes me realize how empty it is,
without your plan, burning from the center of it.

Here at this place, i step forward emptily filled,
I’ve not lived the life, that i know you had willed.
tears aren’t enough, break my heart tonight.
i don’t need the world. i only need you in my life…

So wash my heart, and make it pure in your sight,
let it be as a lily, make it strong for the fight.
Help me love the imperfection, seeing traces of you,
Oh Lord take everything, and make it all new.

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

i need the strength, i need the softness, i need the truth.
i need to be reborn, feel the rush of grace and peace flowing through,
there is nothing greater, and you are the first and only i chose.
oh Lord, now i know, i need you. i’ve always needed you.

Hear the raw truth, there is nothing greater in this life
test it with your limited years, it will be a bitter waste of time.
and as an egg shell must break, for a bird to come forth,
Lord break the empty shell of my life, and make it so much more

God, for real.
i desire nothing more.
finally this time,
I’m sinfully yours.

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Written Truth


we need to stop being dancers on a stage.
Stop reciting lines and auditioning for fate…
we need to stop planning moves like a chess game,
using pawns to corner queens or call check mate,

Enough I quit, i can’t be this fake.
Life is too real. there’s too much at stake.
I’ve been lying to myself and to you…
I am not apathetic, i feel it all, i really do.

I don’t want to be their dancers on a stage.
I don’t want to hear them give us a score or a grade.
please, can you just take my hand and let’s go…
walk out of this script and into the unknown…

Let’s take off the costumes and armor we secretly wear,
to protect our pride from having any shame to bear…
honestly, it breaks my heart a little every time i hear
you question us, when i tell you my fears…

i really want you to just re-convince me we’ll be fine.
i want you to embrace me when there’s no one in sight
i want you to never need nor expect the world’s approval for us,
i really want you. i really want us. i really want to trust.

i really want you to never doubt us, no matter what may…
i really want you to tell any other girl you can’t because of my name.
i want you to defend us like a warrior fighting for my heart.
i wanted you to be patient and wait to rekindle that spark…

i want us to carve our own story in the stone of time.
i want it solid, i want it real, i want it genuine and right.
i want you to stop listening to words, and to hear my heart.
i want you to stop heeding the doubts and the insecurity of sharks

that feast on knowing they rule the waters of the sea.
i don’t care about dethroning fools, or spiting seductive thieves.
i don’t care about proving anyone wrong or right about anything.
honestly, all i care about, is if you really want this same thing.

Because when you doubt us, i still believe.
but it feels like whenever i doubt us, you want to leave.
i don’t want to hold you with charms or even with feelings ,
because charms wear off, and feelings are ever changing.

i need to know that when i doubt, you’ll be the strength.
that when i push you away, you come back and capture me.
i need to know that you aren’t just in this because of feelings.
i need to know that you are in this, because it’s where you want to be.

honestly, right now im the weakest ive been in my life.
and i’ve found it so hard to be vulnerable at this time.
im not writing this for the past, but to bare what i desire.
i want to really give us a chance, and stop flirting with fires.

I don’t ever want to use jealousy or competition for us
and i don’t want to have a reason to question our trust.
from the time you get here, if this is what you are ready for too.
let’s stop playing games, let’s stop questioning through…

and as for me, perhaps the greatest lie i’ve lived for the past few years.
is that i don’t know how to love, or that i don’t know how to care.
if you can truly be as real, and as genuine, as who i believe you are.
then i give you my word, eventually you could capture my heart.

For you’ll never find a heart that can go as deep or as far.
that can cling on to hopes that are no more than distant stars.
that can give, comfort, warm, hold, strengthen, and glow like mine
but i shall only go there once. so i’ve been waiting for the right time.

no seed bears fruits, nor flowers bloom, nor tree does grow
when it is out of soil, rain, and sunshine doesn’t glow…
no violin can play a song with half it’s strings,
let’s stop counting all the problems, and just fix these things.

and if my past has too many or too dark of shadows,
if you find my weaknesses outweigh all my strengths,
if you just want someone who is less of a battle to love
or even if you just decided that we aren’t meant to be.

please figure that out and tell me sooner than later.
it will hurt, but i can swallow it and i’ll find someone again.
i’d rather it be you. i’d rather really give us a real chance.
but i can’t be the only one who believes everything.

i know i think in riddles, rhymes, and take a lot of time.
i know you like to jump into action, and say how you feel.
but please think this one out in the depth of your heart,
and whatever you decide, come down and make it real.
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divided risks


i think i finally am falling for you
in the end, it’s actually a really easy thing to do
while half of me is jeering, & the other half is cheering
all i know, is that this is a risk that i’m sick of fearing

and i wouldn’t put my chips one way or the other
i’m entirely divided between feeling horror & wonder
but i guess when all is said & done,
you never hear anyone say, ‘gee, i sure regret love’…

 

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if i’m honest


You asked me to be honest,
here’s the problem I don’t know the truth…
you asked me to open up…
you don’t know what you are asking me to do…

I haven’t opened those chambers
since before I iced my heart numb of pain…
see, i’ve sealed it off & i can give you the facts
but i can’t let you touch or try to warm the chains…

I guess if i’m honest, i really do want to open up
just a little curious, if maybe I am too prone to run…
if i’m really honest, i really want a family someday,
if i’m really honest, i feel guilty for pushing everyone away

but if im really honest, I have some ghosts to face
if i’m really honest, I’m not worth your time to wait,
and if i’m really honest, you are nothing more than a game,
if i’m really honest, you best just let me sail away…

 

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our secret portal of hope


You know I’ve always been this way
overly protective of our secret portal of hope…
only you & I know just how much they don’t know
of what it means to us, we’re never alone…

Am I using us now?
has this friendship turned into dynamite?
You say girls & boys can’t be just friends
then why do we still talk every night?

All our moments of intimate truths shared
have been slowly gathered & prepared
and if feels like it will only take a spark
to start a fire of explosions in the dark…

I’ve dated my best friend before…
i broke his caring & bleeding heart
you should really know better by now
despite how much of a romantic you are

I am far too overly protective of what we have
I don’t care if we think it’s love don’t say it out loud
You’re there for me, & I’m here for you, we have a deal,
please i beg you, just don’t ask or tell me how we feel…

 

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don’t hide away


i want to lock my heart away….
hide it in a whispering gentle place…
cover my eyes from the world…
only let tender sunshine hit my face…

I really need a breath of fresh air…
the fragrance of blooming dreams…
oh i just want something powerful to come
and wash away all the pain still hurting…

oh hearts aren’t meant for crying
hearts are meant for loving and being loved…
and i wonder after enough breaking…
if i can ever really once again open up….

oh but you’ve gotta trust again,
even if it scares you to death!
‘cuz when you get to the end…
love is all that will be left…

and don’t cha want something?
don’t cha want someone there?
don’t cha want anyone to love you?
don’t you want anyone to care?

so don’t lock your heart away
don’t hide it in a secret cave…
here’s the quiet surrender i give…
i’m gonna try… try to love again

 

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Quest to purge my heart


The freedom is overwhelming
when you realize you can do what’s right…
Lift the guilt off your shoulders
as you forgive & apologize…

——

going back through old grudges,
writing them on little notes,
and then one by one i light them on fire
cleansing my heart as i let it go…

looking up the old names
of folks that i wronged long ago…
and sending them words of regret and sorry
that we both know i truly owe…

and then one by one with those now
who i have shown a double standard to…
i release them from the strings i held
show them my sin asked to be excused…


humiliated and humbled,
But I’m sick of guilty lies and truths…
so i am on a quest to purge my soul
and renew that peace i once knew

 

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