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Dear Lord… Sinfully, yours truly


OH, enter in the prayer i ought to speak,
oh, it’s been so long, since i truly believed.
and oh, i kneel here on sinful knees,
oh Lord, please come break my everything…

Oh oh Lord, I need you. and all the pain you put me through

take me to the altar,
sacrifice my strength
i’m a hollow nothing
outside of your way with me.

oh lord, i need you… and all the pain you put me through.

there was a time i mapped out my life
such a holy pride i held my head up high.
if only i had been humble enough to hold your hand…
but i was too young and naive to understand

it’s the brokenness, that rebuilds into strength.
it’s in the silence where wisdom comes to speak.
it’s in a humble love, that we must give away everything.
and in giving it all away, that we receive peace…

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

it’s a hard cold world, without your comforting touch.
it’s a double edged sword that screams that one is never enough.
it’s a hopeless race, bitterly regretting the dripping time,
and for every drop passing, I’ve lost meaning in my life…

and then there’s you. and then there’s your son,
and then there’s Mary and her rose garden of love,
and then there’s this honesty that breaks my hardened pride,
Oh Lord, crush all my plans, and make my life right…

All the money in the world, can’t buy me peace of mind,
and all the travels only make me yearn for someone at my side,
and all the success only makes me realize how empty it is,
without your plan, burning from the center of it.

Here at this place, i step forward emptily filled,
I’ve not lived the life, that i know you had willed.
tears aren’t enough, break my heart tonight.
i don’t need the world. i only need you in my life…

So wash my heart, and make it pure in your sight,
let it be as a lily, make it strong for the fight.
Help me love the imperfection, seeing traces of you,
Oh Lord take everything, and make it all new.

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

i need the strength, i need the softness, i need the truth.
i need to be reborn, feel the rush of grace and peace flowing through,
there is nothing greater, and you are the first and only i chose.
oh Lord, now i know, i need you. i’ve always needed you.

Hear the raw truth, there is nothing greater in this life
test it with your limited years, it will be a bitter waste of time.
and as an egg shell must break, for a bird to come forth,
Lord break the empty shell of my life, and make it so much more

God, for real.
i desire nothing more.
finally this time,
I’m sinfully yours.

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So shall end my war.


I just want my heart to love,
but have a heart that fights…
it guards and battles breaks and pain,
but it brings its own type of demise…

I just wanted to be soft and sweet
like my childhood when i trusted.
but time hardens and leaves cuts,
like sweet rain leaves doors rusted…

and i may be alone and angry inside,
i may live in my own storm of lies…
i may allow my demons to stay alive,
and i may insanely fight the same battle another time

I may bathe in my own fire and tears,
i may distrust before they have the chance to care,
and i may live in a sort of constant fear,
but deep beneath, a hope lives here.

Deep below the dirty ground of blood,
and the skeletons that scared me into hiding under my bed,
where it is too quite to hear the chaos above,
there is a faith, that shall not be one counted as dead…

and the wars and storms i’ve called to rise,
swirl around in the winds of cheap compromise,
but when i overthrow the kingdom of my life,
it shall be ruled with peace, as love the prize.

Thinly painted on the surface, and buried at my deepest core,
my sanity lives, and is remembered as strongly as before.
Someday the flashes of rage, and resentment well-worn,
shall fall apart, and surrender to grace, and so shall end my war.

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2015 in Faith, introspective, life, Poetry, Stories

 

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Where hearts really beat


There are truths that lie
There are smiles that hide,
Where our hearts really beat,
Behind the words we speak…

When doubt shines shadows on hope…
And love is a stranger I don’t know…
Sometimes it’s easier to hold it in,
Than to acknowledge what it really is…

Like the greatest star that shines in the day
And how the fastest lessons come from play.
How the tallest mountain begins on the sea floor
And the greatest empire in history lives no more…

Sometimes the best things are out of place
So you and I are natural in a weird kind of way…

There are truths that I almost hide,
There are smiles and locked eyes,
But we both know despite everything,
Exactly for whom our hearts really beat…

 

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my drought and storm….


I built myself a solid shelter from the storm…
with rusty nails the builders had once spurred.
I felt no need, in design, to conform.
so i nested it in a tree, where i could feel as a bird…

but in life, it’s usually flood or drought,
and the wisdom of elders is often drowned out,
by the firework’s boom, and the flashing lights,
and those in the trees, lose the power of lime lights…

I told myself, others would build nearby soon…
but the lights afar, were the only ones that grew,
i know that I’m the one who looks lost in a dream,
but I’m just not like them, and I’m sick of trying to be.

I”m tired of calling out, waving others to come in.
for they all promised to join, but then went away again.
and perhaps, alone, and afar, is where Im meant to be,
though, the view is now watching everyone else become happy.

call me stubborn, call me extreme,
but i won’t leave paradise just to find company…
though without someone, what is paradise for?
and so both my storm and drought begin once more…

how much is paradise really worth?
and ought i maybe consider to conform?
for the sun encircles their world and mine,
and the only similarity, is the passing time…

 

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to love a broken heart


years ago i fell in love with a broken heart
bleeding glass shattered on concrete…
i was only a young, naive, and a hopeful fool,
yet was convinced that i knew everything…

I grew to adore every sharp and brittle part
but felt a new gash with every hug i held him dear…
thought i could heal him and the pain would go away with time,
but eventually the shards tore through my chest into my heart…

and now, you’re trying to love a broken heart
oh how it’s edges glitter in the sun you shine,
don’t be a romeo, just whistle while you go,
do us both a favor, and give me some time alone…

 

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don’t tempt the inner goddess


Don’t feed the inner dragon,
no matter how hot the fire he may breathe…
Don’t tempt the inner goddess,
with golden apples or a dual of manipulative strength,

Don’t tempt the inner princess,
with lands, jewels, and magic of afar,
don’t tempt the inner dreamer,
with maps to treasures, spells and stars…

Don’t tempt the beauty…
Don’t tempt the beast,
don’t tempt the darkness,
don’t tempt me.

You think you know my little tricks,
you think you have my riddles solved,
you think you and your clever little self,
are so very much more evolved…

But I breathe fire of the deep,
i’ll sink ships and burn Troy if i’m not more pretty,
i’ll trade my realm, possessed with wanderlust,
and i’ll charm the darkest into a sinful trust…

I’ll break your little world apart.
i’ll wound the sky with my sword,
Don’t dance with or lie to my inner monster ,
it is a wrath like that you’ve never seen before…

 

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as close as i can let you come


i just want to scratch these scales off my back…
feel the burn as these cold hours pass….
i just want to dig the dark hole out of my gut…
throw it into the light and know what’s what…

I feel the laser beams sizzling by my ears,
as my body is suspended in mid air…
franticly trying to escape this foggy maze,
and all i know and all i have is your gaze…

i just want to lie to you, to find the truth,
i just want to run away, to see if you will too…
i just want to lock you out of my heart and cry
because it’s so very very lonely inside.

but i have a heart that cannot be loved
it’s too cold, it will shatter at your touch
i’m afraid, this is as far as i can let you come…
because i just really can’t do it, i just can’t really love.
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