So shall end my war.

I just want my heart to love,
but have a heart that fights…
it guards and battles breaks and pain,
but it brings its own type of demise…

I just wanted to be soft and sweet
like my childhood when i trusted.
but time hardens and leaves cuts,
like sweet rain leaves doors rusted…

and i may be alone and angry inside,
i may live in my own storm of lies…
i may allow my demons to stay alive,
and i may insanely fight the same battle another time

I may bathe in my own fire and tears,
i may distrust before they have the chance to care,
and i may live in a sort of constant fear,
but deep beneath, a hope lives here.

Deep below the dirty ground of blood,
and the skeletons that scared me into hiding under my bed,
where it is too quite to hear the chaos above,
there is a faith, that shall not be one counted as dead…

and the wars and storms i’ve called to rise,
swirl around in the winds of cheap compromise,
but when i overthrow the kingdom of my life,
it shall be ruled with peace, as love the prize.

Thinly painted on the surface, and buried at my deepest core,
my sanity lives, and is remembered as strongly as before.
Someday the flashes of rage, and resentment well-worn,
shall fall apart, and surrender to grace, and so shall end my war.

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Where hearts really beat

There are truths that lie
There are smiles that hide,
Where our hearts really beat,
Behind the words we speak…

When doubt shines shadows on hope…
And love is a stranger I don’t know…
Sometimes it’s easier to hold it in,
Than to acknowledge what it really is…

Like the greatest star that shines in the day
And how the fastest lessons come from play.
How the tallest mountain begins on the sea floor
And the greatest empire in history lives no more…

Sometimes the best things are out of place
So you and I are natural in a weird kind of way…

There are truths that I almost hide,
There are smiles and locked eyes,
But we both know despite everything,
Exactly for whom our hearts really beat…

 

my drought and storm….

I built myself a solid shelter from the storm…
with rusty nails the builders had once spurred.
I felt no need, in design, to conform.
so i nested it in a tree, where i could feel as a bird…

but in life, it’s usually flood or drought,
and the wisdom of elders is often drowned out,
by the firework’s boom, and the flashing lights,
and those in the trees, lose the power of lime lights…

I told myself, others would build nearby soon…
but the lights afar, were the only ones that grew,
i know that I’m the one who looks lost in a dream,
but I’m just not like them, and I’m sick of trying to be.

I”m tired of calling out, waving others to come in.
for they all promised to join, but then went away again.
and perhaps, alone, and afar, is where Im meant to be,
though, the view is now watching everyone else become happy.

call me stubborn, call me extreme,
but i won’t leave paradise just to find company…
though without someone, what is paradise for?
and so both my storm and drought begin once more…

how much is paradise really worth?
and ought i maybe consider to conform?
for the sun encircles their world and mine,
and the only similarity, is the passing time…

 

the fan and the floor

and this is where i’ll leave your memory to rot
stop asking me to come back so we can half ass this more,
i’m sick of making up in my head what we’ve got,
cuz somewhere or another the fan flung our shit on the floor…

and i’m so glad, we ended like we did…
so glad i remembered why i had to get over it…
im so glad, i don’t feel the need to be friends
glad i was honest, and told you it all was pretend.

now it’s too late, for you and me to go
please just let me never see your face ever again.
please let’s just admit what they predicted long ago,
there’s nothing that we have to explain or defend

 

to love a broken heart

years ago i fell in love with a broken heart
bleeding glass shattered on concrete…
i was only a young, naive, and a hopeful fool,
yet was convinced that i knew everything…

I grew to adore every sharp and brittle part
but felt a new gash with every hug i held him dear…
thought i could heal him and the pain would go away with time,
but eventually the shards tore through my chest into my heart…

and now, you’re trying to love a broken heart
oh how it’s edges glitter in the sun you shine,
don’t be a romeo, just whistle while you go,
do us both a favor, and give me some time alone…

 

don’t tempt the inner goddess

Don’t feed the inner dragon,
no matter how hot the fire he may breathe…
Don’t tempt the inner goddess,
with golden apples or a dual of manipulative strength,

Don’t tempt the inner princess,
with lands, jewels, and magic of afar,
don’t tempt the inner dreamer,
with maps to treasures, spells and stars…

Don’t tempt the beauty…
Don’t tempt the beast,
don’t tempt the darkness,
don’t tempt me.

You think you know my little tricks,
you think you have my riddles solved,
you think you and your clever little self,
are so very much more evolved…

But I breathe fire of the deep,
i’ll sink ships and burn Troy if i’m not more pretty,
i’ll trade my realm, possessed with wanderlust,
and i’ll charm the darkest into a sinful trust…

I’ll break your little world apart.
i’ll wound the sky with my sword,
Don’t dance with or lie to my inner monster ,
it is a wrath like that you’ve never seen before…

 

it was almost meant to be

we were like thunder and lightning addicted to fighting in the rain..
electrifying touches, and heart pounding words drove us both insane,
we were like that crisp apple pie smell mixed with fresh morning fog,
you were that hot cup of tea, and that original sweet heart song…

you were my tornado shelter in the storm, but disaster in the calm,
i was that exhaustion you grew too love, and the water that you lived on…
it was like we were on a tire swing, or a great trapeze,
always up and down, but neither of us could ever leave…
until i did.

then it was like the empty house on a holiday, spent alone.
it was like dreams coming alive and haunting all i’d known…
it was like seeing the commitment that was just too much to do,
and even when i left, it was almost like i still loved you…

 

drizzly rain outside the subway doesn’t care

you know the light rain outside the subway doesn’t give a care…
and the autumn wind, is getting cold again, just as I feared…

it’s the wild beast that i try to feed, just a little now and then…
but it refuses to change or find some other prey, it still lives within..

oh indecisiveness rules my heart and mind, my words and time,
oh deceptive pangs of longing spike, and strike my judgement blind..

I just want it to be for real, to seal the deal, have it last for good,
he’s jumping in the deep end, while im looking at every other ‘i could’

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fishing in the sky, or breaking into the dark

and the vines of hope soar like beanstalks toward the stars
intertwining in wishes, and seeking another heart
there isn’t always giants with treasures above the clouds
some times the greatest values are masked as hard work on the ground…

if diamonds, jewels, and gold are all found hidden beneath,
and we are willing to break our backs just to catch one of these things…
ought we naught look underneath how things always appear…
how long will it take us to learn, magic and beans won’t get us there…

all the wealth on earth, whether in a heart or of the ground
requires digging and moving some piled up things around
i know it doesn’t look pretty, as you’re still fishing in the stars,
but I’m the kind of jewel royals use to adorn their hearts…

so you dug up a diamond of the deep
in your search for a magic bean,
you leave me here to go climb into the sky,
or we can kindle a fire, and let our love be purified…

 

you are my sailboat on the bay

and you’re my “if no other stars cross my sky”
“if I search the whole world & can’t find mr. right”
“you’ll be waiting with your sailboat on the bay”…
“let’s meet in 1 year and see how much we have changed”

you’re the black hole of my darkest anger…
where the jealousy and venom melt into one…
you’re the sparkle of excitement of light
mixed with the beat of my wishes’ drum…

you’re my never ever ever love you
but the one i always fall back to
you’re not the words or the tune of my song,
but you are that steady beat i can’t stop…

You say you want to weave your own fate into the stars
say you never meant to bring me any harm…
and when you accidentally broke my heart…
shrug it off, and now I’m torn apart…

you are my cold night waiting hours in the rain…
but solid shelter from life’s pain…
maybe not the most romantic of dreams,
but you have always been there for me…

you say you’ll never stop calling my phone,
say until I’m married, you won’t leave me alone…
you’re my in a year or two we’ll see…
you bring out the best and worst of me…