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hungry


blame it on the fools who lied to me
that it was even possible
blame it on the years i was always preached to
that i should expect and demand it all

blame it on my heart who refuses to
take less than all of another’s love,
blame it on my soul that keeps wandering
and never stops quite long enough…

i hunger for the truest love tonight
i thirst for a soul to align with mine
i crave someone to look deep into my eyes
and tell me that we, we will never die…

i turned my back to commitment again…
so i’m just lonely, surrounded by friends..
they all look on at my so called ‘perfect life’
and tease me about how i can get any guy…

but ‘any guy’ gets so very old so very fast
when i just want a love that will really last
it’s like fast food sugar is all my heart eats…
and i am hungry, so very hungry for love’s meat…

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Sweet peaches


Maybe tomorrow will be brighter
maybe tomorrow will be a beach…
maybe when I tell someone I’m peachy,
I will really feel sweet as a peach…

but you know what, i think…
i think life is just rough…
it’s either one thing or another,
but in the end, I’ll end up tough…

I’ll be stronger & wiser
& I’ll have compassion in ways
that right now, i can’t see…
but I look forward to those days…

And in the mean time,
while i’m struggling with what’s at hand…
I try to find a laugh a day,
and shrug whenever I don’t understand…

Oh cuz life’s not about waiting out the storm…
it’s about learning to dance in the rain…
& it’s not about always doing tricks in perfect form…
it’s about loving each other through the pain….

 

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grown up magic….


I used to skip stones…
I used to make forts &
lived in a magical world

I was Pocahontas
I was Cinderella,
& I painted with swirls…

I ran around barefoot,
danced under the moon,
and imagined trees into life

I used to dress up
in pink gauzy nighties
& ruled the world as queen of light…

i used to make up songs
all day long as i played
but then i grew up….

and a tree trunk
was no longer magical,
it was just an old stump…

I stopped believing in fairies
& stopped looking for nymphs…
I guess it just happens…
but sometimes I look outside & miss…

dancing in the moonlight,
so I will sneak out alone,
& sing to myself as I twirl to the waterside…
take off my shoes & skip a stone…

You know, there is a magic
to a warm autumn breeze
shivering the aspens into gold,
& bringing a frantic soul peace

 

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The link among mankind: eternity waits


We’ve all been broken in some form
And yet, all built, along the way
We all have many sins & regrets to date
And we all are still alive enough to change

I don’t care to where you go, or whence you’re from
You are the epitome of creation perfected & loved,
You are human, forgive yourself, forgive humanity,
Embrace your life, embrace your God given strength

Then fill your days with faith
in the wisdom of all that you don’t know…
Life is too short for regrets and hatred & guilt,
Let it go, move on, be human, & learn to rebuild.

Nothing lasts forever
Save the soul & heart of faith.
save the gentle acceptance of burden,
eternally rewarded, eternally saved…

 

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i am the stone & you are the lake….


when dreams collide & complete in faith
like a skipping stone, i moved around,
but i guess i was always going to sink into you,
you are deeper than any ripple or ground

you were always the water
who helped me pop back up again,
always rippling into my heart,
you are greater & vaster than all of them.

you are the dazzling reflection of all
the smiles & hopes i hold within,
you are the refreshing cool water in the heat,
you have been there again & again & again…

because you are the lake & i am the stone,
you are the water, & i’m the stubborn unknown.
you are the unwavering faith & i am the doubt,
took me long enough to finally figure it out

you are the ripple & i am the wave,
wherever you start, there i begin…
God really does know what he’s doing,
when fate finally proves true in the end…

Born in the same hospital,
met 18 years later, 2650 miles away..
took 4 years to admit it was love…
confessed within 10 miles of our starting place…

So let’s keep this going,
beginning & end turn out to be one,
Id like to do make more rounds with you,
before we are finally done.

 

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I want happy, not perfect


Who really wants to be a professional?
I’d much rather just braid my hair.
Who really wants to be the very best?
& give up half their life to get there?

Who really wants to be perfect?
because we never really will be…
No, i don’t want to change too much,
because, I really like just being me.

I think we all have sorrows,
& joy is a little more elusive,
you have to seek it out,
and cook it as u daily live…

It takes a lifetime in itself
for some to find happy can be anywhere.
for it is not hidden in laughter,
but in letting hope overcome our fear…

 

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Irony of the forbidden journal part TWO


it was dark & hazy, his eyes blurry with tears,
his heart pounded & echoed within his ears.
Runaway! runaway! little, boy, leave the secrets there!
The stones were as cold as his icy, numb fears…

The brick wasn’t wedging loose this time!
he kicked & thrashed, a wild panic released…
& just as it fell loose into his trembling hands,
an even darker shadow announced the reckless beast..

Petrified for only a split-second with apprehension,
numbness clenched his stomach with savage force,
as he whirled & hurled the frozen brick at his father,
He watched the dark figure fall, a lifeless corpse

He felt his sweat turn into a guilty frost
As his he shook there bloodied brick in hand…
A nauseous wave of horror gushed within,
an overwhelming disgust he didn’t understand…

Little boy wrote his final entry that night
in big bold letters, he left behind for the world,
An explanation of what they found the next day
The tragedy of a man, a boy, & a fear-filled girl…

“At last the this house will be known for what it is.
a haunted mansion with no hope or life in this place.
I have become the man I always feared & despised..
may his name forever echo in hollow disgrace.”

The town gathered with guilt for many knew…
or was it for the better? a few bold asked…
How deadly was the pain she always denied,
when they ‘perfect family’ was finally unmasked…

———-    EXPLANATION ————- *please read*————– EXPLANATION   ———-

This is all from my imagination. btw. I am not this sad or disturbed. But once the idea occured to me, i couldn’t help but write the irony of an innocent child who comes to commit the greatest of sins. Once you live among the corrupt long enough, it will consume you. That’s the message this is meant to convey. IF YOU ARE IN A BAD SITUATION, GET OUT!!!!

it is almost just as much the tragedy of the mother who was willing to face daily abuse in order to not be publicly humiliated or embarrassed at all. If she was thinking of her son, she was thinking in the wrong way. Most everything awful that happens falls back into a secret somehow.
The greatest irony, is the forbidden journal, meant to be a secret itself, became the only voice, to reveal all the secrets in the house. it was that banned private, that revealed all the secrets to the public. ..

the only one who ‘lived a secret’  became the book of judgement.  The truth… it’s what remains to speak, no matter how tragic that truth is. The stifled secret lives beyond those who try to keep it. No secret stays secret forever.

 
3 Comments

Posted by on December 8, 2011 in (negative), journalling- pros, life, Poetry

 

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