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too much coal


There is a darkness to my soul that is soaking in
a coldness that makes me back away again…
they can’t be trusted, i never should have opened up,
build more solid walls, turn away from their love…

i’ve tried so hard to forgive and to let go and be soft
but the magma boils in my heart and my words become lost
the one who i wanted so badly to love me and to be proud
is the one who seems to have an agenda to bring me down…

so love your pretty little lies you carved into the photo book,
to church, wear a pretty dress and your most reverent look.
While I apply sparkly pink eye shadow and charm the elite,
i’ll float around claiming we are a perfect mother daughter team…

but behind the giggles and closed doors, and empty emails exchanged,
there is the dark past, with ghosts and wicked roars of rage,
a chilling lack of satisfaction and an empty black hole
forget the healing, there’s too much baggage, too much coal.

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Posted by on November 25, 2014 in (negative), from past journals, life

 

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captive demon


an evil soul lives within my desires…
it beckons me, “come set it on fire…
you know her secrets, so let her burn…
what need have you, for a friend like her?”

the evil monster shifts around,
then clinches my heart & pulls me to the ground…
“oh he’s a stupid boy, he needs to learn…
so break his heart, he’s asking for the burn….”

it squeezes my gut until i almost vomit truth …
and release all the secrets i’ve held in confidence for you…
the demon sneers with evil delight as you squirm
as little flames of fire i breathe makes you uncomfortably warm…

and as you come back to plead me for release
my fingers become claws, & my body a beast….
oh the demon comes alive & devours my life…
oh i resent this dragon, for now I live in it, & not it inside I…

 

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