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my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)


i used to calculate everything. maybe i still do. but i fight it.

i used to analyze guys as if they were nothing more than data entries on an excel spreadsheet. Once, I actually made an excel spreadsheet of my potential love interests. with everything from a rating of current salary, to potential salary in chosen careers, to genetics such as disease in family, to a rating of athleticism.

The idea of choosing someone because i just wanted to be with them, was as distant as the sun is from view in the middle of the night to a luna moth. All I wanted was beautiful children, a beautiful family, a guy to show off, and to impress everyone. A twisted dream, I’ve come to realize. Love is love… not a pageant contest.

I was overjoyed at first, when facebook became a thing. This really helped me calculate the possibilities with even more ease. Everything from level of education, to extended family, and even high school social status could usually be deduced before I even got to know the person…

but this is just the problem.
Because it actually forms prejudices…

stick with me here…
Before we learn things through interactions with them, we’ve already decided they are ‘cool’ or ‘not cool’. We already have decided if they are smart, connected, respected, quirky, or even a potential candidate, really. We judge them before we know them.

To some degree, we can’t fight this. humans are rational creatures, and will always try to analyze the data given, and are curious enough to always want more data.

But i highly encourage anyone who is just beginning to date someone, NOT TO “STALK” that person on facebook or twitter, and what not.

get to know the person. find out if they make you laugh with their wit and humour, or if they intrigue you with intelligent conversations, if they can inspire awe in their desires, or endeavors. See if they inspire creativity and optimism. WHether they free your inner spirit to fly, or whether you are always nervous and feel like you have to change who you are with them. Get to know them. Look behind the eyes, and decide for yourself how old their soul is. Let them introduce you to their siblings when they want to. And let it be an introduction.

Find out if they impress you with what they’ve done with their life. And more than anything… you have to be with someone to know their character… their values, their morals, their person.

Skype can’t tell. Facebook can’t tell you. Texting can’t tell you, Twitter can’t tell you, in fact nothing on the internet tell you who someone is. And buying into whatever it says (even if the person hand crafted everything on their page), will just slow down the process of getting to know someone. It won’t speed it up.

It’s not skipping a step. It’s getting to know a person who doesn’t exists. We are so much more than our facebook pages.

Go meet people, and get to know their person, in person. Keep it real.

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2 Comments

Posted by on November 14, 2014 in explore, guys/girls, life, Stories

 

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Written Truth


we need to stop being dancers on a stage.
Stop reciting lines and auditioning for fate…
we need to stop planning moves like a chess game,
using pawns to corner queens or call check mate,

Enough I quit, i can’t be this fake.
Life is too real. there’s too much at stake.
I’ve been lying to myself and to you…
I am not apathetic, i feel it all, i really do.

I don’t want to be their dancers on a stage.
I don’t want to hear them give us a score or a grade.
please, can you just take my hand and let’s go…
walk out of this script and into the unknown…

Let’s take off the costumes and armor we secretly wear,
to protect our pride from having any shame to bear…
honestly, it breaks my heart a little every time i hear
you question us, when i tell you my fears…

i really want you to just re-convince me we’ll be fine.
i want you to embrace me when there’s no one in sight
i want you to never need nor expect the world’s approval for us,
i really want you. i really want us. i really want to trust.

i really want you to never doubt us, no matter what may…
i really want you to tell any other girl you can’t because of my name.
i want you to defend us like a warrior fighting for my heart.
i wanted you to be patient and wait to rekindle that spark…

i want us to carve our own story in the stone of time.
i want it solid, i want it real, i want it genuine and right.
i want you to stop listening to words, and to hear my heart.
i want you to stop heeding the doubts and the insecurity of sharks

that feast on knowing they rule the waters of the sea.
i don’t care about dethroning fools, or spiting seductive thieves.
i don’t care about proving anyone wrong or right about anything.
honestly, all i care about, is if you really want this same thing.

Because when you doubt us, i still believe.
but it feels like whenever i doubt us, you want to leave.
i don’t want to hold you with charms or even with feelings ,
because charms wear off, and feelings are ever changing.

i need to know that when i doubt, you’ll be the strength.
that when i push you away, you come back and capture me.
i need to know that you aren’t just in this because of feelings.
i need to know that you are in this, because it’s where you want to be.

honestly, right now im the weakest ive been in my life.
and i’ve found it so hard to be vulnerable at this time.
im not writing this for the past, but to bare what i desire.
i want to really give us a chance, and stop flirting with fires.

I don’t ever want to use jealousy or competition for us
and i don’t want to have a reason to question our trust.
from the time you get here, if this is what you are ready for too.
let’s stop playing games, let’s stop questioning through…

and as for me, perhaps the greatest lie i’ve lived for the past few years.
is that i don’t know how to love, or that i don’t know how to care.
if you can truly be as real, and as genuine, as who i believe you are.
then i give you my word, eventually you could capture my heart.

For you’ll never find a heart that can go as deep or as far.
that can cling on to hopes that are no more than distant stars.
that can give, comfort, warm, hold, strengthen, and glow like mine
but i shall only go there once. so i’ve been waiting for the right time.

no seed bears fruits, nor flowers bloom, nor tree does grow
when it is out of soil, rain, and sunshine doesn’t glow…
no violin can play a song with half it’s strings,
let’s stop counting all the problems, and just fix these things.

and if my past has too many or too dark of shadows,
if you find my weaknesses outweigh all my strengths,
if you just want someone who is less of a battle to love
or even if you just decided that we aren’t meant to be.

please figure that out and tell me sooner than later.
it will hurt, but i can swallow it and i’ll find someone again.
i’d rather it be you. i’d rather really give us a real chance.
but i can’t be the only one who believes everything.

i know i think in riddles, rhymes, and take a lot of time.
i know you like to jump into action, and say how you feel.
but please think this one out in the depth of your heart,
and whatever you decide, come down and make it real.
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magical as sunshine to me


You know all these days & times,
and all these songs & rhymes,
simply cannot do justice to you & me…

When there are hopes & fears,
mixed in with the joys & tears,
that stand with miles in between…

But as the future is taking shape..
I stop & look into your pixellated face,
and realize, you’re still everything to me…

You are my ocean side breeze,
the kind that personifies total peace,
and when you smile, it’s like that to me…

You are my shooting star
that i wish on each night from so very far,
totally distant, but still within reach…

You are my perfect summer day
I hope that you never go away,
I guess i just hope that someday you will see…

you are as magical as sunshine to me.

 

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Rise in His heart on Easter!


It’s about forgiveness,
it’s about love,
it’s about learning to have faith,
it’s about learning to trust…

it’s about knowing that evil
is when free will breaches’ God’s will…
and that every time we love,
it’s God we’re feeling, as we’re fulfilled,

So Holy Spirit rise & move in me!
move in your church, the people pray,
let us no longer judge so harshly,
let us hope in you on Easter day…

Set fire to the hearts of apathy,
breathe mercy in the hearts that are cold,
breathe courage into the hearts of the weak,
and help those of us fearful, become bold…

i pray for me to understand i don’t
i don’t know everything that they have done,
and that I hold compassion in my heart,
and not the desire to measure & judge…

Let’s breathe hope into despair,
breathe joy into the darkening days…
Lord rise & rise & rise again in our hearts,
oh, you are holy in your mercy & grace…

let us live, let us love,
let us remember to say thanks,
let us forgive & give of ourselves,
oh church of believers, let us pray…

 
 

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Rear-view love story… come true


All those nights wondering what you would do
If I were to break down & confess my love to you,
Days & months & years we’ve been just best friends
I couldn’t bear the thought of risking letting that end…

O-wo-oh…

Little did I know all those nights so close to truth,
Little by little, I gave my heart totally to you…
And when we said good night & both went to sleep,
I had no idea, you went to bed, & dreamed of me!

Oh-wo-oh

When in the rear-view we’ve loved each other for ages,
And it’s such a wonderful time, turning through our memory pages…
All along, I don’t know why or how I didn’t see from the start,
That I could never find a better lover or match for my heart….

Wo, oh oh

Give me a microphone, no uncertainty here..
I will shout it out, make it officially very clear…
No denying, I’m so freaking in love with you,
And the best part is, that you are in love with me too…

I’ve dreamed about this a thousand times,
So gently you held your hand in mine,
And now that this is actually coming alive,
I keep waiting to wake up from this high….

But wo-oh oh…

You stare at me with silver blue eyes…
Now I know why I love full moon nights…
You touch my face and pull me close to you,
Saying, “tonight I feel like, I’m holding something true.”
…For the first time in my life, I really do too

 

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the perfect knowledge, everyone knew….


You picked up the microphone reluctantly,
When the music played you locked your eyes on me,
Sang Elvis Presley can’t help falling in love with you,
And by the look on your face, that’s when I knew….

And I’m hooked in your silver blue eyes
I’m hooked on your dark handsome hair,
I’m hooked on how you put your arm around me,
And my heart is floating on the air…

I know your fears, I know your plots & schemes,
I know your heart, your dreams & what you want,
I know your humor, & your matter-of-fact ways,
But I had only dreamed what it would be to know your love

I know your music & heard the songs you’ve written,
I know your history & I know you never listen.
But I didn’t know all this time, you were truly smitten,
Disguised as a best friend, my heart’s been given.

And now, I know the truth from your side too…
You know my heart, you know my dreams,
You’ve written me songs, I wrote you poetry…
And for over a year, you’ve been in love with me…

And where we both began our journeys,
that rainy city by the great big sea.
So it was you all along, through everything,
I hope you know I’ll love you eternally.

All those mirror rehearsals, praying…
“God, give me the courage to speak”…
Meanwhile, You were plotting how to make me
fall in love with you in one week…

Our little comedy romance
is better than any movie I’ve ever seen…
A brutally painfully slow buildup,
To what everyone else saw coming….

 

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10 LIES to kids in elementary school….


1. I”m tired of people saying words don’t matter.
It’s all actions. Because, words do matter. Words are an action. And you can both hurt or help someone with words. words do matter.

2. It’s the same ridiculous concept that ‘beauty’ doesn’t matter. That’s baloney. Beauty does matter. And what is beautiful, whether a person, a place, or a thing, is usually treated with more respect. I’m not commenting on whether this should be this way or not. (Besides that i definitely think character is far more gorgeous than any face or hairstyle)…. All I”m saying is that it definitely does matter in the world’s eyes.

3. “go for the stars. you can do or be whatever you put your heart into.”
That’s not true. Someone with an awful voice & no sense of tune will not make it as a singer… no badly how much they want it. Try teaching practical.

4. (TO GIRLS): Choose the career you want. you can figure out about guys later.
This is such BS. If someone had told Alison Krauss as a girl that she could be famous & single where she is now, or be married & a mother… I think she may have chosen the latter. I know i would. Not all professions match being a mom. & if a girl potentially wants to be a mother, this IS something she should take into account. because for me, having a family would be more important than following any other dream.

5. Life is always good to good people.
NOT TRUE. However, I do believe that in the end, it makes up for it. bad things do happen to good people. & good things happen to bad people. Life IS NOT FAIR. does this mean you cheat or be bad? NO! but, going by this philosophy can cause one to look down on someone who isn’t well off in life & think it’s there fault… sometimes, but not always.

6. That it matters who’s fault it is.
Kids are always taught to talk it out together, with an adult, & figure out who’s fault it is, & who gets the apology, & who gets a lecture… The problem is, in the real world it doesn’t matter. you move on. Most of the time, finding the blame is a no-win battle with no reward even if you can prove it. Just teach kids to apologize, problem solve, & forgive. figuring out who’s fault it is, just doesn’t apply to the real world. apologizing, forgiving, & moving on does.

7. Apologizing means you are wrong…
Ask any husband/ boy friend. Girls are worse about this for some reason. But, in the end. being able to suck up one’s pride & apologize when they are not wrong, takes a lot more character than just fighting it out. & it can be what saves a relationship, quite often.

8. “Don’t accept help from people, do it on your own.”
This could possibly the worse life lesson ever to give a kid. Encourage them to ask for help when they need it. Heaven knows, we all need help sometimes, & we all can give help some times. It doesn’t have to be a blow to your pride to ask for it when you need it.

9. “Everybody is good at heart.”
I do not buy this. this causes kids to trust bad people, expect ‘friends’ to change, & eventually causes a lot of hurt & devastation when it turns out to not be true. Some people are not worthy of being trusted, & not worth working to be friends with. Sure, you can be friendly co-workers, or be civil & kind. but choose your friends wisely. I’m not talking about status or wealth. i’m talking about character, virtues, attitude, & personality. Choose people who encourage you, lift you up, & inspire you to be friends. not just anyone.

10. Love is all that matters in a relationship.
Nope. Sorry. you need a plan, the ability to someday be together, some cultural/language/age similarities as well… I do believe love can be very powerful & enable couples to create a plan, come up with money in ingenious ways, & conform to each others’ cultures. But without a plan in way for it to work, well, the problems won’t solve themselves. On a side-note, if you replace “mutual SACRIFICE & dedication” for  “love” in this, then i would be much more agreeable with this statement

 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 17, 2012 in explore, family, journalling- pros, life

 

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