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So shall end my war.


I just want my heart to love,
but have a heart that fights…
it guards and battles breaks and pain,
but it brings its own type of demise…

I just wanted to be soft and sweet
like my childhood when i trusted.
but time hardens and leaves cuts,
like sweet rain leaves doors rusted…

and i may be alone and angry inside,
i may live in my own storm of lies…
i may allow my demons to stay alive,
and i may insanely fight the same battle another time

I may bathe in my own fire and tears,
i may distrust before they have the chance to care,
and i may live in a sort of constant fear,
but deep beneath, a hope lives here.

Deep below the dirty ground of blood,
and the skeletons that scared me into hiding under my bed,
where it is too quite to hear the chaos above,
there is a faith, that shall not be one counted as dead…

and the wars and storms i’ve called to rise,
swirl around in the winds of cheap compromise,
but when i overthrow the kingdom of my life,
it shall be ruled with peace, as love the prize.

Thinly painted on the surface, and buried at my deepest core,
my sanity lives, and is remembered as strongly as before.
Someday the flashes of rage, and resentment well-worn,
shall fall apart, and surrender to grace, and so shall end my war.

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Posted by on January 8, 2015 in Faith, introspective, life, Poetry, Stories

 

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memories to relive


cozy toes curled on soft carpeted floors on a winter night,
electrically charged sunrises over the mountain filled skies,
thick coffees, teas, and milky hot chocolate drinks,
friendly embraces and fire colored autumn leaves…

dewey dotted gardens filled with daily growing life
crimson roses that let their perfumes take loving flight
fireflies that dance on a texas summer night
and windy days filled with billowing distant kites…

Silky story book pages bleeding of color and worlds
filled with contagious adventures and magical girls.
campfires, and juicy berry cobbler served boiling sweet,
genuine smiles and hearts full of hopes in distant dreams…

never lose the wonder, never lose the peace,
never stop loving, and trying, and giving everything.
embrace every sunrise, and paint it’s details within,
hold every memory, to relive joyously again and again…

 

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until you say goodbye to me


I never meant to leave you behind
I don’t know what I thought I would find
I guess i thought you might follow behind
And always believed we get back together with time

When you moved on, I really did try.
I tried with men, I tried with wine,
I tried with travels, and I tried with time…
But I still can’t get you out of my mind…

I guess you’re happy and have moved on
This time I won’t lie, I wish it were me.
but since this is what you want, all I ask,
and all I beg that you give in parting,

is show up for one last night to dance
please let’s talk, so I can realize we’re too different,
and I’ve already thrown away my pride so grant me this one thing,
please show up, so that you can say good bye to me.

I finally realized you’re the heart I can’t let go
So I need you to be the one to leave me alone.
Because I can’t move on, Until I see,
until I see you say goodbye to me.

 

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i beg to differ.


Everyone always says the hardest thing is letting go.
But i beg to differ.

letting go and moving on may bitter the heart
and cloud the mind
but it’s nothing that can’t be solved with enough travel
and enough time…

but the hardest challenge, the bloodiest battle to be fought
is not letting go of the past, it’s trying again.
it’s giving what has hurt you time and time again this second chance,
even though you know how it will end.

it’s holding onto the belief that whatever pains that you have come to know and as part of your life
are worth the eventual joy that has been promised to you, after all this wasted strife.

everyone always has said that the hardest thing is letting go.
im sorry but i have to differ,
the hardest thing is after every burn, after every scar, still fighting for hope. the hardest battle is hope.

but it’s the key to everything. hope. always hope.

 

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it was almost meant to be


we were like thunder and lightning addicted to fighting in the rain..
electrifying touches, and heart pounding words drove us both insane,
we were like that crisp apple pie smell mixed with fresh morning fog,
you were that hot cup of tea, and that original sweet heart song…

you were my tornado shelter in the storm, but disaster in the calm,
i was that exhaustion you grew too love, and the water that you lived on…
it was like we were on a tire swing, or a great trapeze,
always up and down, but neither of us could ever leave…
until i did.

then it was like the empty house on a holiday, spent alone.
it was like dreams coming alive and haunting all i’d known…
it was like seeing the commitment that was just too much to do,
and even when i left, it was almost like i still loved you…

 

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i flew too far, you flew too fast…


I flew too far, you flew too fast,
we both agreed, we’d never last,
only took a moment to turn us into the past,
costing us both a lifetime of looking back…

you chose the East, I chose the West,
seemed no point to consider a nest,
but since that day when we both left,
every view since then has been second best…

because after having such a perfect friend,
switching places, breaking each other’s winds,
can you ever fly with another again?
without all the excitement becoming pretend?

and could I have known how hard the channel’s winds would rush?…
could you have realized how deeply your heart would be crushed?
oh if we had known, even across the globe, that there was no escape…
and that hardly any one else is bold enough to fly these days..?.

well if i’m honest, i’d rather fly with you…
but you flew to the sun, and I, i flew to the moon,
it was like that dream, when you wake up too soon,
never got to resolve, never found my way back to you…

 

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Angel pins and Moonlight


the long hikes up pikes peak,
the well loved guitar strings,
at red rocks, writing poetry
all the simple little joyous things…

taking pictures of the sunshine,
and dancing in the moonlight,
all the experimental recipes,
and eternally shopping for halloween…

all the songs you used to sing
and dying your hair between our sinks
there are too many triggers that beget
bonding memories, for me to ever forget… you

And anyone who says life is made up of a grand rise and demise
doesnt know what it means to loose your shadow and sunshine
for it is not the tragedy of great gravity I first recall…
no, that follows after all the sweet loving moments so small….

Sometimes it only takes an angel pin
sometimes it only takes a dandelion
sometimes, the greatest gift is just to listen
and sometimes, you won’t get another chance to give them…

so make every little moment count….

 

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