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Written Truth


we need to stop being dancers on a stage.
Stop reciting lines and auditioning for fate…
we need to stop planning moves like a chess game,
using pawns to corner queens or call check mate,

Enough I quit, i can’t be this fake.
Life is too real. there’s too much at stake.
I’ve been lying to myself and to you…
I am not apathetic, i feel it all, i really do.

I don’t want to be their dancers on a stage.
I don’t want to hear them give us a score or a grade.
please, can you just take my hand and let’s go…
walk out of this script and into the unknown…

Let’s take off the costumes and armor we secretly wear,
to protect our pride from having any shame to bear…
honestly, it breaks my heart a little every time i hear
you question us, when i tell you my fears…

i really want you to just re-convince me we’ll be fine.
i want you to embrace me when there’s no one in sight
i want you to never need nor expect the world’s approval for us,
i really want you. i really want us. i really want to trust.

i really want you to never doubt us, no matter what may…
i really want you to tell any other girl you can’t because of my name.
i want you to defend us like a warrior fighting for my heart.
i wanted you to be patient and wait to rekindle that spark…

i want us to carve our own story in the stone of time.
i want it solid, i want it real, i want it genuine and right.
i want you to stop listening to words, and to hear my heart.
i want you to stop heeding the doubts and the insecurity of sharks

that feast on knowing they rule the waters of the sea.
i don’t care about dethroning fools, or spiting seductive thieves.
i don’t care about proving anyone wrong or right about anything.
honestly, all i care about, is if you really want this same thing.

Because when you doubt us, i still believe.
but it feels like whenever i doubt us, you want to leave.
i don’t want to hold you with charms or even with feelings ,
because charms wear off, and feelings are ever changing.

i need to know that when i doubt, you’ll be the strength.
that when i push you away, you come back and capture me.
i need to know that you aren’t just in this because of feelings.
i need to know that you are in this, because it’s where you want to be.

honestly, right now im the weakest ive been in my life.
and i’ve found it so hard to be vulnerable at this time.
im not writing this for the past, but to bare what i desire.
i want to really give us a chance, and stop flirting with fires.

I don’t ever want to use jealousy or competition for us
and i don’t want to have a reason to question our trust.
from the time you get here, if this is what you are ready for too.
let’s stop playing games, let’s stop questioning through…

and as for me, perhaps the greatest lie i’ve lived for the past few years.
is that i don’t know how to love, or that i don’t know how to care.
if you can truly be as real, and as genuine, as who i believe you are.
then i give you my word, eventually you could capture my heart.

For you’ll never find a heart that can go as deep or as far.
that can cling on to hopes that are no more than distant stars.
that can give, comfort, warm, hold, strengthen, and glow like mine
but i shall only go there once. so i’ve been waiting for the right time.

no seed bears fruits, nor flowers bloom, nor tree does grow
when it is out of soil, rain, and sunshine doesn’t glow…
no violin can play a song with half it’s strings,
let’s stop counting all the problems, and just fix these things.

and if my past has too many or too dark of shadows,
if you find my weaknesses outweigh all my strengths,
if you just want someone who is less of a battle to love
or even if you just decided that we aren’t meant to be.

please figure that out and tell me sooner than later.
it will hurt, but i can swallow it and i’ll find someone again.
i’d rather it be you. i’d rather really give us a real chance.
but i can’t be the only one who believes everything.

i know i think in riddles, rhymes, and take a lot of time.
i know you like to jump into action, and say how you feel.
but please think this one out in the depth of your heart,
and whatever you decide, come down and make it real.
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u don’t find love? u build it


how much does it matter anyway?
all these people and their stupid games.
why do we all have to care so very much?
I mean, is it even possible to ever really find love…

don’t you have to build it?
don’t you have to grow it?
don’t you have to pay for it?
and even then you never own it…

you don’t just find a diamond on the beach,
why do people force such a silly belief?
why can’t we find some solid enough stone
and carve it out till it matches our own…

isn’t all of it a gamble anyway,
who really knows all the rules of the game?…
all they say is ‘you’ll just know when it’s right…”
but what about choice, risk, and sacrifice?

how much do feelings matter anyway?
what’s so wrong with settling for a safe play?

 

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chances don’t predict accurately


they say the chances are one in a thousand…
you hear that & think “then it won’t be me”
but what if you are that one? what then?
a chance is a chance, no matter how small it may be

 
 

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A nude heart… the risk to succeed.


I just have the feeling
this revolutionary realization
that I’m going to have to die
before I reach salvation…

& it occurred to me last night
Before I can ever find love for real.
I will have to risk a broken heart…
I will have to be honest about how I feel…

And I realized that this false sense
of control I practice on my life…
is largely holding me back
from becoming everything I might…

If I can truly take a risk at failure
If I can live as if I hold no fears…
Then perhaps I can create a tomorrow,
that is even better than the past years…

I’m not quite ready to do this yet
but this year I shall dedicate fully to
removing my heart’s heavy metal armour,
& entering this jungle with a heart that’s nude.

and without it weighing me down as before,
all my plans, fears, and protection galore…
I can fly higher & farther than i ever have before…
and maybe just maybe find the love im yearning for.

 

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