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Tag Archives: shame

get over it.


Suck it up! life happens,
i just wasn’t into you…
stop trying to villeinize me,
we both know that’s not true…

Of course, you are always the victim,
everyone else uses you, i’m sure…
no offense, your nothing worth using,
so get off your pitiful ‘high’ horse…

there is only one common factor
through all the crisis that you face,
you wanna say that all girls are the same,
but honey, you are your own disgrace…

You threw your heart into the mix,
before you even knew who i was,
i’m sorry it hurts your feelings,
but life is only as life does….

So please just let me go in peace,
stop telling me i ruined your life…
i’m not going to come back to you in pity,
you’re just burning bridges out of spite…


btw, this is not about my best friend, now boyfriend. this is about another guy i didn’t go out with/broke up with before it was official, because i knew i didn’t love him….evidently, not soon enough…

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I want happy, not perfect


Who really wants to be a professional?
I’d much rather just braid my hair.
Who really wants to be the very best?
& give up half their life to get there?

Who really wants to be perfect?
because we never really will be…
No, i don’t want to change too much,
because, I really like just being me.

I think we all have sorrows,
& joy is a little more elusive,
you have to seek it out,
and cook it as u daily live…

It takes a lifetime in itself
for some to find happy can be anywhere.
for it is not hidden in laughter,
but in letting hope overcome our fear…

 

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Dear Friend, i’m here for you…


Dear friend, you called me up to say
the other night, you made a grave mistake,
you shrug in shame, when i asked if you’re okay
Dear friend, it doesn’t have to be this way…

Listen, I am no angel, i am no saint
i am nobody to preach on faith…
But even I, who am just making it through
can see, you’ve lost your faith in you…

Listen, you are strong when you choose
you are smart, witty, & caring too
but, you’ve lost conviction in the truth
you need to back you up & get you through…

I’m not telling you what to believe in
i’m not saying you should make it up
i’m just saying, find something to live for
besides, these one night guilty drunks…

No, I am not ‘the one’ for you,
but, yes I will always be here…
dear, friend, not every love,
is the kind enhanced by a beer…

Dear friend, it kills me to see you falling
dear friend, it kills me to see you cry,
but more than anything else, my heart bleeds
when i see you blindly trashing your life…

 
 

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Blanket of shadows


From ashes & rubble I arise,
With an inner longing for more.
But, i have an unnatural distrust
Learned from too much before.

My God, my God, I’m sorry.
So sorry for all I’ve done.
But even more than this,
For the person that I’ve let myself become.

I never really got it like this before-
Cuz it’s no longer just one time.
It has morphed into a refuge,
A safe-house, killing me alive.

Wish I could drive faster than my guilt,
& leave it here alone.
But, I’ve learned it’s just a shadow
A shadow that I can never out-grow.

You can’t see a shadow in darkness-
But, don’t be fooled, you’re simply blind…
It is just a massive shadow,
That is a blanket over my life…

I’m all wrapped in my blanket..
as it chokes me from sunlight,
rocking back & forth, alone
my comfort shall be my demise.

 

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my Tears Burn Words Upon this Page…


Trembling in her heart
yet stony, petrified in body,
she pretended not to hear
or feel the echo of their calling

She wept in silent dread
and heard the volumes & anger grow…
wishing to hug them each into forgiveness…
how could they treat each other so?

Every happy family has its secrets
and, there is no exception in mine.
i never wish to cause another tear
& I shall never drink another glass of wine…

oh the casualties of this secret war
I never got to say goodbye or choose,
hopeless, I watched my life fall apart,
& never again can tell the whole truth.

a sting like that of salt on blood,
the bitterness, an open wound
ever bleeding poisoned fear,
ever burning, fate loomed…

Oh, God of Moses, I beg thee, hear!
A plea, from she who wishes to dissappear…

Oh, shameful surrender, I give thee my life
A shattered future, from the rubble, I rise..

And, honest, I cry my burning tears,
as words upon this crumpled page,
With fire they singe their way out…
the only witness to escape this cage.

I shake my head, in weak surrender
It will be a miracle if I survive this in the end
and I feel selfish to think of my heart now,
when the wounded soldiers of this war is them.

She was just a witness that night…
No knife was needed to cut her soul…
for all of this is more than enough
to ensure, I shall never again be whole.

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2011 in (negative), introspective, life, Poetry

 

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ever-changing girl


Not a whole lot here is still the same…

I thought small towns aren’t supposed to change?

Because I feel like a stranger

where I once called home..

Heck, I ruled these streets

not too very long ago…

But, maybe I’m wrong…

& it’s exactly how it was when i left

I’m such a different person…

with so much to regret…

I can’t stand to face those

Who know who i was,

because I would feel so ashamed

for all I’ve become..

Everywhere I’ve left,

I’ve left behind a little piece of me…

But I heard all that before

…when i wasnt listening…

I’m an out of control tornado,

I’m lost in a jungle of fright..

burning from the fire

I started to keep me warm at night..

A spinning kaleidoscope

my confusion morphs & twirls

is my picture always changing?

or am I just an ever-changing girl?

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2011 in introspective, Poetry, Reminiscing

 

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