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So shall end my war.


I just want my heart to love,
but have a heart that fights…
it guards and battles breaks and pain,
but it brings its own type of demise…

I just wanted to be soft and sweet
like my childhood when i trusted.
but time hardens and leaves cuts,
like sweet rain leaves doors rusted…

and i may be alone and angry inside,
i may live in my own storm of lies…
i may allow my demons to stay alive,
and i may insanely fight the same battle another time

I may bathe in my own fire and tears,
i may distrust before they have the chance to care,
and i may live in a sort of constant fear,
but deep beneath, a hope lives here.

Deep below the dirty ground of blood,
and the skeletons that scared me into hiding under my bed,
where it is too quite to hear the chaos above,
there is a faith, that shall not be one counted as dead…

and the wars and storms i’ve called to rise,
swirl around in the winds of cheap compromise,
but when i overthrow the kingdom of my life,
it shall be ruled with peace, as love the prize.

Thinly painted on the surface, and buried at my deepest core,
my sanity lives, and is remembered as strongly as before.
Someday the flashes of rage, and resentment well-worn,
shall fall apart, and surrender to grace, and so shall end my war.

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Posted by on January 8, 2015 in Faith, introspective, life, Poetry, Stories

 

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memories to relive


cozy toes curled on soft carpeted floors on a winter night,
electrically charged sunrises over the mountain filled skies,
thick coffees, teas, and milky hot chocolate drinks,
friendly embraces and fire colored autumn leaves…

dewey dotted gardens filled with daily growing life
crimson roses that let their perfumes take loving flight
fireflies that dance on a texas summer night
and windy days filled with billowing distant kites…

Silky story book pages bleeding of color and worlds
filled with contagious adventures and magical girls.
campfires, and juicy berry cobbler served boiling sweet,
genuine smiles and hearts full of hopes in distant dreams…

never lose the wonder, never lose the peace,
never stop loving, and trying, and giving everything.
embrace every sunrise, and paint it’s details within,
hold every memory, to relive joyously again and again…

 

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Where hearts really beat


There are truths that lie
There are smiles that hide,
Where our hearts really beat,
Behind the words we speak…

When doubt shines shadows on hope…
And love is a stranger I don’t know…
Sometimes it’s easier to hold it in,
Than to acknowledge what it really is…

Like the greatest star that shines in the day
And how the fastest lessons come from play.
How the tallest mountain begins on the sea floor
And the greatest empire in history lives no more…

Sometimes the best things are out of place
So you and I are natural in a weird kind of way…

There are truths that I almost hide,
There are smiles and locked eyes,
But we both know despite everything,
Exactly for whom our hearts really beat…

 

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my problem with FB stalking a potential. (keeping it real)


i used to calculate everything. maybe i still do. but i fight it.

i used to analyze guys as if they were nothing more than data entries on an excel spreadsheet. Once, I actually made an excel spreadsheet of my potential love interests. with everything from a rating of current salary, to potential salary in chosen careers, to genetics such as disease in family, to a rating of athleticism.

The idea of choosing someone because i just wanted to be with them, was as distant as the sun is from view in the middle of the night to a luna moth. All I wanted was beautiful children, a beautiful family, a guy to show off, and to impress everyone. A twisted dream, I’ve come to realize. Love is love… not a pageant contest.

I was overjoyed at first, when facebook became a thing. This really helped me calculate the possibilities with even more ease. Everything from level of education, to extended family, and even high school social status could usually be deduced before I even got to know the person…

but this is just the problem.
Because it actually forms prejudices…

stick with me here…
Before we learn things through interactions with them, we’ve already decided they are ‘cool’ or ‘not cool’. We already have decided if they are smart, connected, respected, quirky, or even a potential candidate, really. We judge them before we know them.

To some degree, we can’t fight this. humans are rational creatures, and will always try to analyze the data given, and are curious enough to always want more data.

But i highly encourage anyone who is just beginning to date someone, NOT TO “STALK” that person on facebook or twitter, and what not.

get to know the person. find out if they make you laugh with their wit and humour, or if they intrigue you with intelligent conversations, if they can inspire awe in their desires, or endeavors. See if they inspire creativity and optimism. WHether they free your inner spirit to fly, or whether you are always nervous and feel like you have to change who you are with them. Get to know them. Look behind the eyes, and decide for yourself how old their soul is. Let them introduce you to their siblings when they want to. And let it be an introduction.

Find out if they impress you with what they’ve done with their life. And more than anything… you have to be with someone to know their character… their values, their morals, their person.

Skype can’t tell. Facebook can’t tell you. Texting can’t tell you, Twitter can’t tell you, in fact nothing on the internet tell you who someone is. And buying into whatever it says (even if the person hand crafted everything on their page), will just slow down the process of getting to know someone. It won’t speed it up.

It’s not skipping a step. It’s getting to know a person who doesn’t exists. We are so much more than our facebook pages.

Go meet people, and get to know their person, in person. Keep it real.

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2014 in explore, guys/girls, life, Stories

 

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tragedy of the norm


took my hope and took my heart
took my dreams and lit a spark,
should’ve known fire burns
and that a burn leaves a scar…

got no tragedy to mourn
was only a victim to the norm,
undervalued what we had
and thought it not worth fighting for…

but some times the fire stays
and sometimes it don’t even fade
and when the winds blow in your face,
sometimes, it just strengthens the flame.

So i left, and you moved on…
like every one-who-got-away song…
should of listened to the radio
before i made the same wrong…

took my hope and took my heart
took my dreams and lit a spark,
should’ve known fire burns
and that a burn leaves a scar…

i know you are only human
i remember you as a friend
as the one who taught me to love,
and since whom i haven’t loved again…

 

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when you stopped being a poem


today, you stopped being a poem,
and became the subject of much more.
no longer a pair of eyes i flirt with,
instead you’re the man i’ve come to adore.

you’ve become the heart i want mine to beat next to,
and the last voice i want to hear tell me goodnight.
of course every love is a gamble of emotions and time,
but you’ve become the risk worth putting my heart on the line.

You stopped being the ideal prince I demanded,
and became the human who makes me roll my eyes.
you stopped being the next best thing for now,
and today, became the main character in the rest of my life.

 

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none of them are you


Always going to be one hotter
always going to be one richer too
always going to be one sweeter, or meaner
or who does more of something I do,

Always going to be that person who is funnier
maybe he can steal the spotlight of the room,
but it doesn’t really matter any more,
because i’d always rather just be with you…

this really just fet too easy
because after all the hard times i’ve been through
this is the first time i’ve ever
just looked at someone, and already knew.

 

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