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Tag Archives: trust

My heart waits


And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start, oh no…
A heart is not a quest
nor a war to be brought to rest,

And the man for whom I wish…
is more than just a check list…
A dream is more than colors and shapes,
it’s the way it leaves you feeling when you awake…

And I… I
I’m still waiting for mine.
Sure he’s a type, sure he’s kind,
and sure it’s the idea I have in my mind,

But it’s you and your eyes,
and the way you look into mine…
It’s how I can look at you too,
and feel completely unglued…

It’s how I want to be your partner in every game,
It’s how I want to be your side kick in every race,
It’s how I want to be your trophy, I want to be your prize,
I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine oh mine…

And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start,
But somewhere in the future, embedded in fate,
You better find me… for in the meantime, my heart waits…

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im gonna be a little more of everything


And I am gonna try to be
A little more of everything
And I am going to try
To make faith the truth of my life

And hope is never the easiest thing
And love is never as cliché as it seems
And faith has come to be the battle fought
Day and night, I fight it with all I’ve got…

But it’s not enough for me to say
I’ll figure it all out some other day
I can’t just hide my grudges within
And pretend they are all forgiven…

The way of this world is to act out of fear
The way of this world is to doubt that anyone cares
The way of this world is to put yourself first
But the problem is, the way of this world is a curse…

I shall act out of faith, for I already know the end.
I shall hope & believe the best, over & over again.
And I shall try to will the good of others over myself…
For there is hidden the truest and most lasting of wealth…

I’m gonna be faithfilled against despair
I’m gonna be hopeful, when nobody cares…
I’m gonna be more loving, beyond just me
I’m gonna be, a little more of everything.

 

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magnetic threads of an epic adventure


Threads of me feel so moved within
as my heart longs me to reach forth,
To stretch out it’s love in tender belief
And unite with your ever-present magnetic force

Years of dead end paths have left me
Skeptical on the meaning of words at all,
But as yours keep knocking on my inner doors
My defenses slowly begin to crumble and fall…

Oh seeker of truth, do not judge my passion
For reality so harshly that you cannot see through
That all I’ve been waiting for was a patient lover
To come capture my will, as I shall capture you.

For a skeptic like I, is simply a romantic in denial,
For whom the normalcy of roses and letters can not do…
No, I need this Romeo and Juliet, epic adventure,
I need a story of battles and volcanoes and a magical truce

Come, sweep me up on your horse back,
Let’s escape to the desert, and find a palace in which to lay
We can fight all the lions and jaguars hidden
And then return triumph with a story someday…

 

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heart pick-pocket


berry juicy kind of sweet
i let you get the best of me…
and i gave you just enough
but then you grabbed my trust…

and i’m still running,
trying to feel something…
give it back, give it back, it’s mine
somebody get him! tonight….

ain’t nothing but a love pick-pocket
stealing goodies like the love in a locket…
i don’t need your words another time,
i needed you to rise up & really be mine…

but you can’t be caught for this,
think you’re Leonardo Dicaprio’s twin,,
all you are is mean, & stolen part of me..
why won’t you set me free? & let me be…

 

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coins, spells, rainbows, & wells


like the coins they threw into a wishing well,
like the words they spoke from a book of spells
like a tone-deaf girl trying to learn how to sing
we were wasted as money bet on the lottery…

oh like using a phone book 2 decades old,
and following rainbows looking for a pot of gold,
some people will disappoint you in the end
doesn’t matter how much heart & hope you put into it…

now i ain’t sayin’ miracles can’t come true
or that wishes in fountains isn’t fun to do…
all i’m saying is that i’m done trusting you…
time wastin’, so let’s hasten & make this through…

 

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trust issues, to let them shine, hurt, honesty, becoming me…. why i have to leave


i have trust issues.
I’ve known it for a while now. It takes someone years to gain it, & it’s almost just as hard to let someone i trust go as it is for them to have earned it in the first place.

I don’t trust new people anymore. I used to trust someone until they gave me a reason not to. Now it takes years, of seeing someone look out & care for me, in a way that isn’t beneficial to them at times.
It’s really hard, because I try putting on this tough face. I’m the girl who doesn’t need a guy. I’m the girl who has fun on my own. I’m the girl who’s been through shit but doens’t let it keep me down.
…but i’m not. that’s not me. In some supressed cavity of my heart, it all builds up for when the ice thaws…

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When I moved here, I really wanted friends. not just guys looking for dates, but girl friends, who i could trust & confide in. But, evidently when we went out, i caught too many of the guys eyes. & the girls stopped inviting me for a while. Later, i was told, they thought i was flirt. So i tried to stop. and i did. at the expense of becoming a bitch.

I meant to just do it around them, but it became habit. it was easier. it demanded respect. And before long, i didn’t know who this girl was. it was like the bitch i was in hs, but worse. part of me always wanted to be a bad ass. But let’s face it. I’m that naive ranch girl, who wanted to sneak out & go swing dancing. I was that hopeless romantic who almost ran away to be with a guy. Who fell for the wrong guy in 3 days for his blue eyes & blond hair & because he picked me out first… I was the one who read all the fairytales, and dreamed of being Pocahontas. and living in flower fields & singing to the beat of the wind. I was the one who longed for adventure. And a heart to conquer my own…

I hate romantic crap now. Because I used to love it, & it betrayed me. i thought family was forever. I thought sisters grew old together. i thought when someone said they loved you, they couldn’t leave anymore. And i thought i’d know what love was. I thought it would fall in place. None of it did. none of it came true. and now here i am the bitchy friend who tries to be mean to let her girlfriends shine. it started off for them, & it turned into a defense mechanism. To protect my heart from scarring. But now I see, I”m scarring those around me. I”m done being mean.

That’s why i need this adventure. I need to dream again. i need to believe in adventure. i need to know wonder again. i want romance. I do want love. If i can ever trust enough to believe in it.

I’m okay. I have an average voice. I have an average hair color. I have an average eye color. I have a below average height. I have a life with ups & downs… making it average as well, and i’m okay. But i miss being me.

the bad ass
the sweet heart
the nature nerd
the wandering 4 year old
the quite observer
the lost ranch girl in a city
the dancer in the shower
the lover of sparkles
the country music fan
the football walking encyclopedia
the slightly spoiled brat
the slightly crazy weirdo
the slightly annoying singing too loud
the slightly addicted to McDonalds
the slightly insomniac
the slightly OCD freak
the lover of dresses, camo, & denim
the adventurer
the pirate
the princess
the pocahontas
the way too honest friend
entirely average

thankfully, i have a few friends who i know are real. but friends who make u feel like u have to dull so they can shine, don’t let urself change for them. it’s harder to find yourself again, than you think.

 

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i’ll stay on my own… thank you


Oh because love has broken my heart
a time or two…
and i’ve used it a sword to get revenge
and do that too….

Oh and if God is love, then why would I even try?
for all that love has ever been for me… is a lie…

and i guess we’re supposed to believe
that heaven is where trust is never broken
where fear is never felt or spread
and where lies and gossip are never spoken

but, here on Earth, it sure seems the other way
love’s the only thing that can break you into disrepair
on my own, independent, i’m safe and strong
so you can have your heart, but I won’t share…

 

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