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in love with the chaos


rolling myself from town to town
keeping a secret eye open for a place to settle down…
with plans to travel the whole world round,
but hopes someone will love me into turning home bound

after enough oceans, mountains, waterfalls, and hills
they all start looking the same from a plane looking below
and to be perfectly honest, it’s no longer the destinations-
im in love with looking down, im in love with being on the go…

im in love with the whirlwind crazy adventures,
the frustrations, the chaos, the curious and strange sights,
Some people love their coffee and newspaper routines,
but i’m in love with buses, trains, boats, and plane flights…

if someone could dig the lust for adventure out of my soul,
then perhaps my life would for once, appear under control,
im a lover of the chaos, who nests within hearts…
so take me, or leave me, or join my journey of fools

 

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until you say goodbye to me


I never meant to leave you behind
I don’t know what I thought I would find
I guess i thought you might follow behind
And always believed we get back together with time

When you moved on, I really did try.
I tried with men, I tried with wine,
I tried with travels, and I tried with time…
But I still can’t get you out of my mind…

I guess you’re happy and have moved on
This time I won’t lie, I wish it were me.
but since this is what you want, all I ask,
and all I beg that you give in parting,

is show up for one last night to dance
please let’s talk, so I can realize we’re too different,
and I’ve already thrown away my pride so grant me this one thing,
please show up, so that you can say good bye to me.

I finally realized you’re the heart I can’t let go
So I need you to be the one to leave me alone.
Because I can’t move on, Until I see,
until I see you say goodbye to me.

 

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i beg to differ.


Everyone always says the hardest thing is letting go.
But i beg to differ.

letting go and moving on may bitter the heart
and cloud the mind
but it’s nothing that can’t be solved with enough travel
and enough time…

but the hardest challenge, the bloodiest battle to be fought
is not letting go of the past, it’s trying again.
it’s giving what has hurt you time and time again this second chance,
even though you know how it will end.

it’s holding onto the belief that whatever pains that you have come to know and as part of your life
are worth the eventual joy that has been promised to you, after all this wasted strife.

everyone always has said that the hardest thing is letting go.
im sorry but i have to differ,
the hardest thing is after every burn, after every scar, still fighting for hope. the hardest battle is hope.

but it’s the key to everything. hope. always hope.

 

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don’t tempt the inner goddess


Don’t feed the inner dragon,
no matter how hot the fire he may breathe…
Don’t tempt the inner goddess,
with golden apples or a dual of manipulative strength,

Don’t tempt the inner princess,
with lands, jewels, and magic of afar,
don’t tempt the inner dreamer,
with maps to treasures, spells and stars…

Don’t tempt the beauty…
Don’t tempt the beast,
don’t tempt the darkness,
don’t tempt me.

You think you know my little tricks,
you think you have my riddles solved,
you think you and your clever little self,
are so very much more evolved…

But I breathe fire of the deep,
i’ll sink ships and burn Troy if i’m not more pretty,
i’ll trade my realm, possessed with wanderlust,
and i’ll charm the darkest into a sinful trust…

I’ll break your little world apart.
i’ll wound the sky with my sword,
Don’t dance with or lie to my inner monster ,
it is a wrath like that you’ve never seen before…

 

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it’s like we’re already in tomorrow…


I don’t want to be your would have been perfect,
i don’t want to be that sweet goodbye, maybe someday,
because i don’t want to be your fire of an adventure
and then become your ‘one who got away”

i don’t want to admit the truth to anyone living,
and i wouldn’t even tell you if you strait up asked.
but if you grabbed me, the way you look at me,
and just kissed me like we both know you want to…
well then maybe, this wouldn’t just float into the past…

you know, i live on this world, not much more specific-
have a few countries, and dozens of cities under my belt.
i’d have been fine following a whim, if you’d just gotten up the guts
to have come and honestly told me how you’ve felt…

but tomorrow you’ll fly away… like we both knew you would.
and all they all foretold, all we both expected, will just disappear
into a story that neither of us will ever tell…
so we’ll just hold it in our hearts; and act like we never even cared.

like we never even cared at all.
guess you’ll be my one who got away, after all…

 

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of life and love… the balance of the who vs what


I think “true love” is such a stupid theoretical cliche used far too often.

Please, yes, there has to be a spark, but it’s so much more.
For so long, i thought it was a checklist. Money, God, Social, Kind, Caring, good looking, etc… Now i know it is so much more. You have to truly just care about the person.

Look at them and admire them. Their mannerisms, their looks, their eyes, their laugh. You have to love them for WHO they are, AND for WHAT they are. not just what. and not just who. which are the two extremes everyone seems to go to these days.

It has to be a balance. for quite some time, i’ve had this philosophy of see if he matches the ‘what’ before i start to fall for the ‘who’. but this is awful. i truly think you have to look at them both equally from the beginning, or you are far too likely to fall in love with the idea of someone, and the idea of a potential future than to actually consider them for who they are at their core.

Love the person. Marry the whole. I realize how many guys i’ve hurt as i’ve lived this way. Guys maybe look for a little too much of the who, and girls maybe look a little too much for the what. but it has to be a balance. and a commitment to love both, through changes, through doubts, through time.

 
 

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My heart waits


And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start, oh no…
A heart is not a quest
nor a war to be brought to rest,

And the man for whom I wish…
is more than just a check list…
A dream is more than colors and shapes,
it’s the way it leaves you feeling when you awake…

And I… I
I’m still waiting for mine.
Sure he’s a type, sure he’s kind,
and sure it’s the idea I have in my mind,

But it’s you and your eyes,
and the way you look into mine…
It’s how I can look at you too,
and feel completely unglued…

It’s how I want to be your partner in every game,
It’s how I want to be your side kick in every race,
It’s how I want to be your trophy, I want to be your prize,
I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine oh mine…

And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start,
But somewhere in the future, embedded in fate,
You better find me… for in the meantime, my heart waits…

 

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