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New Year’s Resolution


1. publish collection of poetry
2. write a short story
3. publish short story somewhere
4. design website idea
5. apply and enroll in college again (try to begin this year,
6. maybe prepare for CLEP to test out of certain classes).
7. Prepare plans for next year, -chose roommate, area, and apply for jobs
8. Travel to Europe or Africa

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

What about the beautiful wrinkles?


What about an old cowgirl?
who will love all her wrinkles now?
all the cowboys are still getting chased,
while she’s out still chasing the cows…

She’s doing all the dirty work
the grit, the hurt, the mornings before dawn,
but with all the pretty young faces,
who’s there to stay up and listen to her song???

What about the world explorer?
the one who did peace corps and has seen war?
what about that poet who gave her youth
searching for answers, to write the truth?

Who is going to see her travelled skin,
and love it for all the places it has been?
She’s the story they will all love to read,
but the guys still go for a prettier young thing.

What about the single mother who tries
to raise the daughter he left behind?
with a heart stronger than steel
and 80 hour shifts to pay the bill…

Who’s going to notice her strength?
What guy will go buy a brand new ring?
Oh they are such a foolish lot,
men never know the love nor heart they’ve got….

And what about every woman with silver hair?
what about the 35 year olds who are single out there?
what about us girls who have hearts of gold,
…all the guys only want someone less than 25 years old…

 

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Drowning in an empty tub


She wouldn’t have noticed you, i’m sure.
but she know’s exactly what she has in you,
because her interest was officially spurred
when she followed my eyes to you across the room.

and i’m laying naked in an empty bathtub,
drunk on tears, and hungover on regrets.
too exhausted to bother turning the water on,
to clean up and pretend like i forget…

So you want me to come and see you
end up with the girl of your ‘dreams’
sent me an email and told me if you had known,
long before her, it would have been me.

And I’m swept into moments i let pass,
when a kiss would have sufficed to say
all that my words weren’t when i’d just laugh
so happy to just spend the time with you every day.

and it’s my fault i let it all go by,
you thought we were friends, and decided it was fine.
i should be happy, even if you’re not mine…
maybe, i’m not your friend anymore this time.

i just feel like a stranger.
i just feel like a lost girl.
and she looks like a barbie
and im caught in barbie world.

i sit up, and let hot water steam all around.
clean up, do my hair, my make up all sweet,
guess, i’ll show up, and pretend that I
that I am okay, that i’m okay with everything…

 

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So shall end my war.


I just want my heart to love,
but have a heart that fights…
it guards and battles breaks and pain,
but it brings its own type of demise…

I just wanted to be soft and sweet
like my childhood when i trusted.
but time hardens and leaves cuts,
like sweet rain leaves doors rusted…

and i may be alone and angry inside,
i may live in my own storm of lies…
i may allow my demons to stay alive,
and i may insanely fight the same battle another time

I may bathe in my own fire and tears,
i may distrust before they have the chance to care,
and i may live in a sort of constant fear,
but deep beneath, a hope lives here.

Deep below the dirty ground of blood,
and the skeletons that scared me into hiding under my bed,
where it is too quite to hear the chaos above,
there is a faith, that shall not be one counted as dead…

and the wars and storms i’ve called to rise,
swirl around in the winds of cheap compromise,
but when i overthrow the kingdom of my life,
it shall be ruled with peace, as love the prize.

Thinly painted on the surface, and buried at my deepest core,
my sanity lives, and is remembered as strongly as before.
Someday the flashes of rage, and resentment well-worn,
shall fall apart, and surrender to grace, and so shall end my war.

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2015 in Faith, introspective, life, Poetry, Stories

 

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i can’t believe it’s coming, it’s already here. within 72 hours, my first year of being a teacher will come to an end.

It’s 2:30 in the morning, and i need sleep more desperately than ever. And yet, I can’t stop my mind from buzzing all around. Is this what i want to do with my life? I’m passionate about it, but I’m a passionate person. Am I right for this?

What am I doing here? Here, on the other side of the globe, speaking a strange language every day, with friends I don’t intend on living near ever again once I leave. And I do plan on leaving… someday.

So how soon shall someday come? I don’t know. Maybe I’m just really bad at goodbyes. Maybe the time has already come. Or maybe not yet. Not yet.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

desired stories


i was enraptured by the pages of books
i desired an adventure greater than captain hook’s.
I wanted a story filled with monsters and dreams
so I filled my life with drama, travels, and flings…

and so i got what i had so long desired…
and after the heartbreaks, the losses, and fires…
after the journeys, the loves, excitements, and lonely roads,
The problem with such a long story, is you lose your home.

 
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Posted by on December 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

memories to relive


cozy toes curled on soft carpeted floors on a winter night,
electrically charged sunrises over the mountain filled skies,
thick coffees, teas, and milky hot chocolate drinks,
friendly embraces and fire colored autumn leaves…

dewey dotted gardens filled with daily growing life
crimson roses that let their perfumes take loving flight
fireflies that dance on a texas summer night
and windy days filled with billowing distant kites…

Silky story book pages bleeding of color and worlds
filled with contagious adventures and magical girls.
campfires, and juicy berry cobbler served boiling sweet,
genuine smiles and hearts full of hopes in distant dreams…

never lose the wonder, never lose the peace,
never stop loving, and trying, and giving everything.
embrace every sunrise, and paint it’s details within,
hold every memory, to relive joyously again and again…

 

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