Pawns, knights and fading ink

I’m tired of the rubber thinning out below my shoes

from walking sidewalks and riding buses in the afternoons.

I’ve already memorized all the words to every song on my mp3

and by now the pen for my journal has run out of ink…

My story is taking far too long to write,

and while it’s epic, I’m exasperated with all the pages to type…

I’m ready to sprint towards the nearest cliff

let the hot asphalt burn away any fear within…

I don’t care if it costs me my queen and both knights,

if it leaves me with only pawns to fight, i’m ready to fly…

Maybe my positioning isn’t just right, but i’m ready to dive off blind

i’m ready to do or die, i’m ready to cry. and now, i’m ready to try.

I don’t know whether i need to try something old, or something new,

Nobody has the right answers, or can predict my next move.

but it’s going to be something i haven’t done in a long time.

this decision. It’s going to be mine, all mine. it’s finally time.

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Posted by on November 29, 2015 in Uncategorized


it all comes down to the depths between

Maybe someday

you and I can find a way

to find a peace of mind,

maybe something like a compromise


walk far enough to a distant beach

where we can dig deep enough to let the problems sink.

Maybe we can find waves that crash and roar

Louder than the words we’ve used in our war,


Maybe If I let the tide pull me out to sea,

You’d realize how close you are to losing me.

Maybe if we had more passionate kisses in the night,

That would make the darkness seem to be light,


Maybe the frigid waters’ chill and ocean wind

Would force us to hold each other hot again

But you know that’s a lot of maybes, and a lot of ifs,

And I guess it all comes down to a very distant ocean.

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Posted by on October 29, 2015 in Uncategorized


Time’s magic act

There’s a potion of intermingled hopes and fears.

Time is a magic act, on its own.

It waves its cape and beckons for cheers,

leaving all the aces in sleeves unknown…

Faith is a coat rarely embraced and worn.

Because life here is kind to the weak,

and a suit that is faded and torn,

has no place at the table of Earth’s elite.

Hope is dwindling on fate’s candlestick.

The future always seems eminent.

So precious and powerful, with such a thin wick,

few step into the storm to shield the wind…

…but we must keep hope lit…

For ages and generations of grown wise and passed on,

the world to a new age and generation of fools whom all believe,

they are the greatest, the wisest, and they shall make new laws,

that make this place better than those before could have conceived.

And open minds still need a filter,

and open hearts still need guards,

open dreams, still need solid timber

for we all still live under the stars.

Be cautious, be prudent, be patient, be wise.

Trust those before, for the’ve glimpsed more in their short times.

Be humble, be honest, be rational, be kind.

Be loving, be faithful, be hopeful, be alive.

The magic act has begun

perhaps, it is already halfway through.

You don’t have to stay and watch the show…

you’re allowed to get up, and explore the room.

The potion has already been mixed in your wine,

and you shall both suffer and rejoice with time.

And love is bitter, love is sacrifice, but love is divine.

And it’s the only thing that lasts longer than life.


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Let the passion break

Every year teaches me I’m not who I thought.
Every day passes quicker and becomes another lost…
I wouldn’t fast forward, and lose a precious moment I’ve got…
but I wish my past passion was still hot.

Oh make it thunder, make it rain,
let the stars crash and jupiter break.
Let the magnetic poles abruptly switch,
let life turn on me like a bitch.

I don’t really care, any more.
i just need to feel something like before.
It’s not enough to have a one who loves you.
if you don’t have the fire of love for them too.

So let a tsunami break my world apart,
let the mundane take on some sort of spark,
let my old wounds heal, let the numbness feel,
Let my soul come alive… make it real.


Posted by on June 20, 2015 in Uncategorized


the magical haze in our world.

Once upon there were fairytales. And there was magic. And there was wonder all around. It’s a world that still exists. It’s a world that moves and transforms. It’s more like a fog that is filled with mystery, excitement and shimmering lights within your soul.

Usually this magical fog only surrounds children, but every now and then, us grown ups get to share in the magnificence of this belief. This belief that there is more, and that it is spectacular. Perhaps when we dance on a warm summer night, or when we begin to fall in love, or when there is a moment that we just know was meant to be… the sparkling air tickles our hearts, and entices us into this world again.

I fell in love with this world, as a child. I’m sure my windowsill needed more paint than any other piece of wall, or even baseboard in our homes after we moved. I would lay my head and look up until my neck began to hurt from it. I would go to find swing sets and imagine i was flying, and i would climb up every tree, just to get closer to the sky.

I always knew that was where the magic came from; the sky, that is. The sky, and in water. in rainstorms, in rivers, in ocean tides, in sunsets, in rainbows, and in transforming clouds. Everything was possible.

I miss that world. I still look for it. But that magical haze comes not in a stressful pursuit of it, but in a peaceful submission that life happens and it’s beautiful anyway. I think we all miss it. We all want it.

I wonder if I’ll get to be a child again. What’s after this? is the haze the reality? is that distant magic actually a foreshadowing of the future? I hope so. I pray so. And in case it makes any difference, tonight i will wish so on a star…

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Posted by on May 1, 2015 in Uncategorized


silences and peace

There used to be peace in the silence
now, it’s static and unfinished lyrics that collide
there used to be trust in the promise of fate
now, it’s a cynical and sarcastic thought on the side.

I used to write poems four times a day,
about love and the feelings, and la la la,
and now i just can’t figure out what my heart wants,
and i can’t even say that it was anyone’s fault.

i just slept through the night of my northern lights,
i just, didn’t notice my shooting star as it flew by,
i just, jumped in the ocean, and let my boat float away,
thinking there’d be cruise ships if i just wait one more day…

oh time is a flirt and a hooker, at heart.
selling us moments that costs us our youth,
and wile, with certain moments come wisdom,
it hardly turns their false promises in the truth…

No Mr. Prince charming was not out there waiting,
no there was no love at first sight, or magic that night.
It wasn’t all about a game, and when you leave,
they won’t always follow, and it’s not always worth a fruitless fight.

So now, i take my magic beans and what’s left of my youth,
and try to haggle with time and wisdom to agree,
that while I may not deserve perfect or happily ever after,
I certainly have earned to have my silence filled with peace.

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Posted by on April 7, 2015 in Uncategorized


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Dear Lord… Sinfully, yours truly

OH, enter in the prayer i ought to speak,
oh, it’s been so long, since i truly believed.
and oh, i kneel here on sinful knees,
oh Lord, please come break my everything…

Oh oh Lord, I need you. and all the pain you put me through

take me to the altar,
sacrifice my strength
i’m a hollow nothing
outside of your way with me.

oh lord, i need you… and all the pain you put me through.

there was a time i mapped out my life
such a holy pride i held my head up high.
if only i had been humble enough to hold your hand…
but i was too young and naive to understand

it’s the brokenness, that rebuilds into strength.
it’s in the silence where wisdom comes to speak.
it’s in a humble love, that we must give away everything.
and in giving it all away, that we receive peace…

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

it’s a hard cold world, without your comforting touch.
it’s a double edged sword that screams that one is never enough.
it’s a hopeless race, bitterly regretting the dripping time,
and for every drop passing, I’ve lost meaning in my life…

and then there’s you. and then there’s your son,
and then there’s Mary and her rose garden of love,
and then there’s this honesty that breaks my hardened pride,
Oh Lord, crush all my plans, and make my life right…

All the money in the world, can’t buy me peace of mind,
and all the travels only make me yearn for someone at my side,
and all the success only makes me realize how empty it is,
without your plan, burning from the center of it.

Here at this place, i step forward emptily filled,
I’ve not lived the life, that i know you had willed.
tears aren’t enough, break my heart tonight.
i don’t need the world. i only need you in my life…

So wash my heart, and make it pure in your sight,
let it be as a lily, make it strong for the fight.
Help me love the imperfection, seeing traces of you,
Oh Lord take everything, and make it all new.

Oh Lord, I need you, and all the pain you put me through…

i need the strength, i need the softness, i need the truth.
i need to be reborn, feel the rush of grace and peace flowing through,
there is nothing greater, and you are the first and only i chose.
oh Lord, now i know, i need you. i’ve always needed you.

Hear the raw truth, there is nothing greater in this life
test it with your limited years, it will be a bitter waste of time.
and as an egg shell must break, for a bird to come forth,
Lord break the empty shell of my life, and make it so much more

God, for real.
i desire nothing more.
finally this time,
I’m sinfully yours.


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