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let’s wait and see


let’s take some time, always more time…

and i hear myself say it, and wince on the inside…

After so long, how can I not know or feel my own heart?

how can time leave us, both in the dark?

 

There were days and times, I acted like i was in control,

but it’s like my mind has lost contact with my soul,

it’s somewhere out there, leaving us both stranded at sea,

wondering when the answers will come back to me…..

.

I’ve lost my pride, and gained some years,

to wrinkle my skin, and let my eyes be carved by my tears…

It feels too far, it feels too hard, it feels too real, it feels too fast…

it feels scary, it feels magnetic, i’m terrified and angry, but want it to last…

.

somewhere beneath, aren’t I supposed to have a feeling, if this is love?

but how would I know? You’re eye are piercing, what has my heart done?

I have no words, i’ll just wait and curse and let time abandon me…

then in the end, it will be my fault, because i said nothing besides, “let’s wait and see”…

.

 

 

 
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Posted by on January 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

hitchiked hearts


it’s been a long mountain road

it was too far, too steep to go alone…

hitch-hiked hearts along the way…

it was my greatest and darkest mistake…

.

If i had been strong and brave enough from the start

to set off on my own and exercise my legs and my heart,

i would have been strong enough far before now…

to reach the mountain top, and settle down.

.

because when you go alone, you learn to read the map for yourself,

when you go alone, you build the muscle to maintain your own health,

and when you go alone, you’ll cry, and find the comfort in faith,

and only after these are learned, can true love be sustained…

 
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Posted by on January 27, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Pawns, knights and fading ink


I’m tired of the rubber thinning out below my shoes

from walking sidewalks and riding buses in the afternoons.

I’ve already memorized all the words to every song on my mp3

and by now the pen for my journal has run out of ink…

My story is taking far too long to write,

and while it’s epic, I’m exasperated with all the pages to type…

I’m ready to sprint towards the nearest cliff

let the hot asphalt burn away any fear within…

I don’t care if it costs me my queen and both knights,

if it leaves me with only pawns to fight, i’m ready to fly…

Maybe my positioning isn’t just right, but i’m ready to dive off blind

i’m ready to do or die, i’m ready to cry. and now, i’m ready to try.

I don’t know whether i need to try something old, or something new,

Nobody has the right answers, or can predict my next move.

but it’s going to be something i haven’t done in a long time.

this decision. It’s going to be mine, all mine. it’s finally time.

 
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Posted by on November 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

it all comes down to the depths between


Maybe someday

you and I can find a way

to find a peace of mind,

maybe something like a compromise

.

walk far enough to a distant beach

where we can dig deep enough to let the problems sink.

Maybe we can find waves that crash and roar

Louder than the words we’ve used in our war,

.

Maybe If I let the tide pull me out to sea,

You’d realize how close you are to losing me.

Maybe if we had more passionate kisses in the night,

That would make the darkness seem to be light,

.

Maybe the frigid waters’ chill and ocean wind

Would force us to hold each other hot again

But you know that’s a lot of maybes, and a lot of ifs,

And I guess it all comes down to a very distant ocean.

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Time’s magic act


There’s a potion of intermingled hopes and fears.

Time is a magic act, on its own.

It waves its cape and beckons for cheers,

leaving all the aces in sleeves unknown…

Faith is a coat rarely embraced and worn.

Because life here is kind to the weak,

and a suit that is faded and torn,

has no place at the table of Earth’s elite.

Hope is dwindling on fate’s candlestick.

The future always seems eminent.

So precious and powerful, with such a thin wick,

few step into the storm to shield the wind…

…but we must keep hope lit…

For ages and generations of grown wise and passed on,

the world to a new age and generation of fools whom all believe,

they are the greatest, the wisest, and they shall make new laws,

that make this place better than those before could have conceived.

And open minds still need a filter,

and open hearts still need guards,

open dreams, still need solid timber

for we all still live under the stars.

Be cautious, be prudent, be patient, be wise.

Trust those before, for the’ve glimpsed more in their short times.

Be humble, be honest, be rational, be kind.

Be loving, be faithful, be hopeful, be alive.

The magic act has begun

perhaps, it is already halfway through.

You don’t have to stay and watch the show…

you’re allowed to get up, and explore the room.

The potion has already been mixed in your wine,

and you shall both suffer and rejoice with time.

And love is bitter, love is sacrifice, but love is divine.

And it’s the only thing that lasts longer than life.

 

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Let the passion break


Every year teaches me I’m not who I thought.
Every day passes quicker and becomes another lost…
I wouldn’t fast forward, and lose a precious moment I’ve got…
but I wish my past passion was still hot.

Oh make it thunder, make it rain,
let the stars crash and jupiter break.
Let the magnetic poles abruptly switch,
let life turn on me like a bitch.

I don’t really care, any more.
i just need to feel something like before.
It’s not enough to have a one who loves you.
if you don’t have the fire of love for them too.

So let a tsunami break my world apart,
let the mundane take on some sort of spark,
let my old wounds heal, let the numbness feel,
Let my soul come alive… make it real.

 
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Posted by on June 20, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

the magical haze in our world.


Once upon there were fairytales. And there was magic. And there was wonder all around. It’s a world that still exists. It’s a world that moves and transforms. It’s more like a fog that is filled with mystery, excitement and shimmering lights within your soul.

Usually this magical fog only surrounds children, but every now and then, us grown ups get to share in the magnificence of this belief. This belief that there is more, and that it is spectacular. Perhaps when we dance on a warm summer night, or when we begin to fall in love, or when there is a moment that we just know was meant to be… the sparkling air tickles our hearts, and entices us into this world again.

I fell in love with this world, as a child. I’m sure my windowsill needed more paint than any other piece of wall, or even baseboard in our homes after we moved. I would lay my head and look up until my neck began to hurt from it. I would go to find swing sets and imagine i was flying, and i would climb up every tree, just to get closer to the sky.

I always knew that was where the magic came from; the sky, that is. The sky, and in water. in rainstorms, in rivers, in ocean tides, in sunsets, in rainbows, and in transforming clouds. Everything was possible.

I miss that world. I still look for it. But that magical haze comes not in a stressful pursuit of it, but in a peaceful submission that life happens and it’s beautiful anyway. I think we all miss it. We all want it.

I wonder if I’ll get to be a child again. What’s after this? is the haze the reality? is that distant magic actually a foreshadowing of the future? I hope so. I pray so. And in case it makes any difference, tonight i will wish so on a star…

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

 
 
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