as confident as my wrinkles.

getting wrinkles is probably one of the
greatest horrors of every young woman.
Or that realization that she no longer is
really that young of a woman.

you look back at photos, and realize
that you didn’t even know you were beautiful then.
nobody told you. they all just teased you
assuming you were so secure you already knew…

nobody told me i was wasting my youth
nobody told me how short it was going to be
everybody told me that i’d have plenty of time
and everybody told me just to take my time…

and i did. and now i have wrinkles.
wrinkles that don’t go away when i stop laughing.
wrinkles that dig deeper into my skin and confidence every day
wrinkles that force me to grow up.

maybe it’s a good thing, you know?
maybe they force us out of that relying on looks phase.
and it’s true im still more beautiful than i’ll ever be again
but gosh. when you find those old pictures… i hate to admit im that shallow, but

…it hurts. i don’t want wrinkles. i don’t want to grow up.

they force me to realize im getting older
and that i need to decide what to do with my life.
and then i look in the mirror again,
and i still haven’t done enough to justify my age.

i fear i shall never be as grown up,
as mature, nor nearly confident as my wrinkles are.
they told me to travel the world while i was young
and then i woke up, and i wasn’t young anymore.

all the great guys were married,
all the hot guys were losing their hair
and all the great and good looking men, i realized
were never perfect to start with, they had a girl who brought it out…

and id missed my chance a million times.

 

to love a broken heart

years ago i fell in love with a broken heart
bleeding glass shattered on concrete…
i was only a young, naive, and a hopeful fool,
yet was convinced that i knew everything…

I grew to adore every sharp and brittle part
but felt a new gash with every hug i held him dear…
thought i could heal him and the pain would go away with time,
but eventually the shards tore through my chest into my heart…

and now, you’re trying to love a broken heart
oh how it’s edges glitter in the sun you shine,
don’t be a romeo, just whistle while you go,
do us both a favor, and give me some time alone…

 

in love with the chaos

rolling myself from town to town
keeping a secret eye open for a place to settle down…
with plans to travel the whole world round,
but hopes someone will love me into turning home bound

after enough oceans, mountains, waterfalls, and hills
they all start looking the same from a plane looking below
and to be perfectly honest, it’s no longer the destinations-
im in love with looking down, im in love with being on the go…

im in love with the whirlwind crazy adventures,
the frustrations, the chaos, the curious and strange sights,
Some people love their coffee and newspaper routines,
but i’m in love with buses, trains, boats, and plane flights…

if someone could dig the lust for adventure out of my soul,
then perhaps my life would for once, appear under control,
im a lover of the chaos, who nests within hearts…
so take me, or leave me, or join my journey of fools

 

it’s like we’re already in tomorrow…

I don’t want to be your would have been perfect,
i don’t want to be that sweet goodbye, maybe someday,
because i don’t want to be your fire of an adventure
and then become your ‘one who got away”

i don’t want to admit the truth to anyone living,
and i wouldn’t even tell you if you strait up asked.
but if you grabbed me, the way you look at me,
and just kissed me like we both know you want to…
well then maybe, this wouldn’t just float into the past…

you know, i live on this world, not much more specific-
have a few countries, and dozens of cities under my belt.
i’d have been fine following a whim, if you’d just gotten up the guts
to have come and honestly told me how you’ve felt…

but tomorrow you’ll fly away… like we both knew you would.
and all they all foretold, all we both expected, will just disappear
into a story that neither of us will ever tell…
so we’ll just hold it in our hearts; and act like we never even cared.

like we never even cared at all.
guess you’ll be my one who got away, after all…

 

My heart waits

And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start, oh no…
A heart is not a quest
nor a war to be brought to rest,

And the man for whom I wish…
is more than just a check list…
A dream is more than colors and shapes,
it’s the way it leaves you feeling when you awake…

And I… I
I’m still waiting for mine.
Sure he’s a type, sure he’s kind,
and sure it’s the idea I have in my mind,

But it’s you and your eyes,
and the way you look into mine…
It’s how I can look at you too,
and feel completely unglued…

It’s how I want to be your partner in every game,
It’s how I want to be your side kick in every race,
It’s how I want to be your trophy, I want to be your prize,
I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine oh mine…

And if I were to try to find your heart,
I wouldn’t even know where to start,
But somewhere in the future, embedded in fate,
You better find me… for in the meantime, my heart waits…

 

the cost of living out dreams

the world is not nearly as large as i once had thought it…
people not so very diverse nor different beneath.
and as i sit here now where i had once only imagined,
i dwell on the cost of living your dreams…

there is always a loss of what could have been
that we trade for whatever we chose to achieve…
and the sickest of lies that hollywood has polluted
is that we can have it all, if we only believe.

Nobody can have it all.

So before you trade your day to day world
with loved ones and adorned with daily routine,
question in your heart what is the cost you are willing
to trade in reality for the chance to live your dreams?

 

as close as i can let you come

i just want to scratch these scales off my back…
feel the burn as these cold hours pass….
i just want to dig the dark hole out of my gut…
throw it into the light and know what’s what…

I feel the laser beams sizzling by my ears,
as my body is suspended in mid air…
franticly trying to escape this foggy maze,
and all i know and all i have is your gaze…

i just want to lie to you, to find the truth,
i just want to run away, to see if you will too…
i just want to lock you out of my heart and cry
because it’s so very very lonely inside.

but i have a heart that cannot be loved
it’s too cold, it will shatter at your touch
i’m afraid, this is as far as i can let you come…
because i just really can’t do it, i just can’t really love.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
.

 

u don’t find love? u build it

how much does it matter anyway?
all these people and their stupid games.
why do we all have to care so very much?
I mean, is it even possible to ever really find love…

don’t you have to build it?
don’t you have to grow it?
don’t you have to pay for it?
and even then you never own it…

you don’t just find a diamond on the beach,
why do people force such a silly belief?
why can’t we find some solid enough stone
and carve it out till it matches our own…

isn’t all of it a gamble anyway,
who really knows all the rules of the game?…
all they say is ‘you’ll just know when it’s right…”
but what about choice, risk, and sacrifice?

how much do feelings matter anyway?
what’s so wrong with settling for a safe play?

 

next time, treat her like a lady

you started off sweet always calling her baby
then the mean itched in with smug little sayings,
with advice that made her feel like a small town nobody
then you offered to show her the world, and gave her nothing…

she went from glowing like angel in the southern fields,
to blending into the gray of your shadow in the street…
she ain’t showin’ it, but somewhere deep down, she bleeds,
because man, you just ain’t treatin’ her like a lady.

makin’ her wait in the car, and open her own doors,
don’t ask her about her days, just brag about all of yours,
and you stopped singing her songs, and holding her hand,
and you got a small little group of girls, strung along for a chance…

you’re a mean mister who’s got an ego bigger than this town.
you only wanted her so you could make yourself the brightest star around.
but pretty soon she is gonna have enough and break out…
she’s an angel, and if you won’t, someone else will help her figure that out…

you started off sweet, always calling her baby…
man, someday you’re gonna wish you had treated her like a lady…
when she’s glowing in the Texas sunset on a painted hillside…
kissing her cowboy, who holds her tight to his strong side…

and they ride away.

 

The woman on the edge of a the fountain she loved

She sat there with wisdom on the edge of the fountain she loved
It was white marble and throwing rainbows into the sky
She had two dogs at her feet, who would fight to protect her,
And, as always she sat there watching the leaves shiver to life.

Every little stone of gravel had 17 tones of color,
And she watched as kids grew up playing on the slide,
She had gone from a girl who was lost on vacation,
To waiting and watching, because this is where they said to reunite…

All these years later, it was as if it had never even happened,
She remembered her mother’s tearful embrace and her father’s strong hug
The fountain had always been her beacon, protector, and peace,
And now she is almost an extension of its ancient wish-granting love…

Today, she rests with silver grey hairs laced into her tresses,
And the same little journal she has held for ages by this time,
She was never afraid, her soul has always found its peaceful garden
Here in the center of the chaotic smoggy city in which she presides…

The queen of this park, for this has come to be her throne,
Watcher of children, keeper of stray dogs, the one all had come to trust,
Someday, they shall chisel her sweet figure out of marble,
And she’ll keep sitting gracefully on the edge of the fountain she loved.